We are having another hard period with Jack at the moment – he is constantly demanding, crying, being rude and throwing tantrums. His anger at not getting his own way is also ramping up. Being under this constant pressure from him wears away at our patience, and we end up being quite short with him.

For the most part we have the tools and approaches to keep on top of his behaviour - but we just don’t have the stamina or even time to maintain the high level of effort required to do so. I think we are both having more “bad parent” moments than we would like at the moment.

It is not always angst and conflict – we do generally have good times and interactions with Jack. It is just that the hard times seem to overwhelm the memories of the good! They also leave you second guessing – wondering if the reason Jack was good for the two hours before his latest meltdown was only because he happened to be getting exactly what he wanted.

Jack is still very good towards Grace, although obviously gets annoyed at times when he has to wait for her needs to be addressed first, or when she wakes up and he loses the one on one attention of his mum. He has also recently been dropping comments that suggest that he is noticing the differences in our much calmer reactions to Grace’s difficult behaviour compared to his.

While some days are worse than others, I think overall we are doing an ok job. Things could certainly be much worse! If only Jack would show some sort of appreciation for the effort, instead of focusing all of his attention on finding the source of his next tantrum.

Posted by Doug at 8:25 AM

Grace is just over 7 months now. Unfortunately we haven't had much good weather as yet so I haven't managed to get out for nearly as many pram walks as I anticipated, and sadly it's just over a month until I return to work. The time is disappearing all too quickly.

We all enjoyed a family outing to Healesville Sanctuary recently. We also had an enjoyable visit from Grandma C and Pop. Jack, Grace and I made it down to Geelong by ourselves for the first time to catch up with the high school girls. Jack and Josh had a lovely time playing, although managed to bump heads on the trampoline leaving Jack with 2 black eyes the next day. We also enjoyed catching up with Grandma Q while in Geelong for her birthday. Jack and Grace also recently had fun visiting a local pool (with wave pool) with Auntie Lis.

We haven't had that much luck in recent months with play dates since it seems someone or other is always sick or needing to cancel or plain forgets. We have had our share of illness in the past month also. Jack picked up a nasty bug at childcare that involved lots of coughing that went on for weeks. He then passed it onto Grace and I, and just as we recovered Doug has picked it up. Doug also put his back out while getting Jack changed after swimming a few weeks back so we had a week where he wasn't able to do any lifting of any kind. It gave me extra appreciation for all the things he usually does including shopping, clothes washing, and holding Grace where required.

Summary of Grace at 7 months

. Grace now spends a lot of her playtime on her tummy, rolling about or pushing herself forward to get to the toys she wants to. She is enjoying the extra mobility, although gets frustrated at times when she can't quite get to where she wants.

. In the past week (just after turning 7 months) Grace has been getting up on all 4s in the crawling position and rocking back and forth. She is also moving backwards occasionally when trying to go forwards. So she is progressing towards the crawling stage.

. She continues to enjoy her solids, and does a good job eating veges as well as fruit. She has started trying finger foods in the past couple of weeks, including watermelon, cantaloupe, toast, sultanas, hot chips and teething rusks. She doesn't enjoy holding wet foods like watermelon much, so instead grabs my hand with her fingers and pushes it towards her mouth when she wants some, and away from her mouth when she has had enough. She seems to understand the chewing concept well and hasn't been too bothered by the 'gag' reflex that I remember Jack struggling with at a similar stage.

. Grace started swimming lessons last week and is so far really enjoying herself. Apart from a few tears after inadvertently swallowing water a couple of times, she has taken it all in her stride, and happily kicks and splashes away. She has had no problems going to the instructor when I get in and out of the pool or being held by the instructor by the 'mat' activity. This is in marked contrast to how Jack was – which usually involved instant tears.

. In the past week or so (since daylight savings started) Grace has taken to having a short nap earlier in the evening then waking up and staying up till later. She looks very pleased with herself when she is up late. She is starting to have 2 longer day sleeps (often 1-2 hours and even up to 3 hours on occasion).

. Grace has worked out how to squeeze the middle of her horse to make it squeak

. She enjoys spending time in her portacot and playpen, as she can maneuver herself around the space to get at everything she wants. She also enjoys watching TV at the same time. Her favourite TV show is 'In the Night Garden' along with her baby DVDs.

. She still enjoys patting soft toys, and also loves chewing on books (I have to give her a small book to chew on while I read bedtime stories to her and Jack in the evenings, otherwise she gets frustrated trying to grab and eat the book I am reading)

- Her favourite sounds currently are 'da da da', 'daddy', and 'yeah'

Summary of Jack at 4 years, 3 months

. Jack is getting really good at all his puzzles. He can do most of the small-medium puzzles on his own now

. He is doing well at the 'matching words' at gymbaroo

. He has been practicing doing 10 hops on each leg for gymbaroo. He can now do 10 hops in a row on his left leg, but on his right leg only manages 2-3 at a time.

. Appears to be going through a growth spurt. He was complaining of pains in his side this morning, and has been extra hungry in the past few days.

. His behavour continues to be up and down. He can be really happy and play by himself really well for periods, then other days be upset or throwing a tantrum the minute anything doesn't go exactly as he wants (whether it is being told to put his clothes on, come down for breakfast, leave the house, a toy not doing exactly as he wants, etc) or just not getting full attention.

. He continues to shows fantastic imagination through his play. Each night after his bath he uses his towel as a 'costume' and pretends it is long hair, or a cape, or a pirate sword, or a magic carpet, etc. He loves playing 'mums and dads' or having me be the kid while he is the mum or dad. He enjoys setting up 'dvd shops', or a library, or food shops for me to shop at. He loves playing super heroes or pirates. He also loves playing with all his army men, and incorporates dinosaurs or other toys into this play. He still loves playing with his castle, boat, firemen, trains, and Bob toys in his room also and incorporates them all into elaborate plays together.

Posted by Al at 2:44 PM

While we wouldn’t describe Jack as a really difficult child, we have always thought he was harder work than normal. This has been particularly evident to us since having Grace. Even at 4 years old, Jack requires substantially more of our time and effort than Grace does, and she is only 7 months old.

We had three birthday party invitations this weekend, two where we only knew the hosts, one where we only knew the hosts and one other couple. That means even before we get there we are feeling less relaxed than we might.

We attended two as a family - one on Saturday and one on Sunday, and I did a quick drop in at the third by myself (given we didn’t think Jack would cope well with so many outings).

At both parties Jack managed to find a spot he was comfortable, and refused to move from there for food or drink. On Saturday it was on a jumping castle, on Sunday it was on a trampoline. At both parties he latched onto an older kid, both of who were good and humored his insistence at repeatedly knocking over invisible dragons and dinosaurs as they bounced around.

At both parties he cried when all the kids left the area for food or a change of game, and he cried when we left the party and made him leave his safe area. On Sunday he threw quite an embarrassing tantrum that came very close to him losing complete control. (As it was, everyone stopped talked and looked at him.)

While I think we handled the situations ok on the day, it did leave us frazzled. As Al said in the car trip home yesterday, it has gotten to the point where we no longer worry about taking Grace out, but have to stress about Jack.

It is promising to see how Jack makes an effort to interact with other kids, but a worry at how he clings to the first to be friendly back, the overly repetitive nature of his play, and how quick and easily he breaks down in tears when things don’t go exactly to plan. I think the way he sticks to a location or type of play is a reaction to his anxieties – he finds the first thing he is comfortable with, and sticks doggedly to it.

Posted by Doug at 11:40 AM

Jack woke up in a calm and happy mood this morning. Interacted with Grace and Al while playing by himself, got changed and had breakfast without the usual stalling tactics, was extra polite, and went off to childcare cheerfully.

It was just such a huge contrast to how he has been of late, and reminds us that when he is rested and “in balance”, he is the most delightful little boy you could ever have wished for.

Posted by Doug at 10:24 AM

Jack continues through this latest bout of hypersensitivity. Yesterday he gave himself a minor scratch – and cried inconsolably for more than 10 minutes. Later he had a bath and suddenly realised he had wet his scratch, and once again broke down in distraught tears. Any time he doesn’t get what he wants he instantly collapses onto the floor in tears –sometimes building up into hysteria.

Al and I are having lots of bad parenting moments. He cries so much over the silliest of things that our patience has long since been exhausted.

I would liked to have thought that when a child of mine cried I would sit down, put my arm around them, and asked what I could do to make it all better. Lately with Jack however I more often hear myself telling him to stop being ridiculous, or threatening to send him to bed if he doesn’t stop crying.

We are certainly nowhere near as supportive as we want to be – but at the same time, we just can’t fathom why he gets so upset, so quickly, so often, and over the most minor of things.

Posted by Doug at 3:00 PM

Jack’s constant whinging and tears continue. The millisecond things are not to his precise and exact wishes his face screws up in anguish and he collapses into a heap on the ground. It takes a constant 110% effort to keep him half happy, and the moment you step away he melts down.

He is driving us crazy – and is just ridiculously exasperating. Wanted – an ounce of resilience for a four year old.

Posted by Doug at 1:15 PM

Grace has been pretty grumpy the last few days – possibly due to Al working on weaning her off breastfeeds overnight. Jack’s over the top sensitivity also continues. The pair of them together can be rather hard work at the moment.

Al took a lot of supplements before and during her pregnancy with Jack, which were recommended by a naturopath. The GP was initially suspect, but after blood tests showed Al’s levels of iron, minerals and vitamins were extremely high, he told her to “keep doing whatever she was doing”.

While we could never prove it, we have since wondered if this might have helped “wire” Jack up the way he is. We can see he has picked up various traits from his parents – like his anxieties from me. They are however substantially worse than ours - and in speaking with our parents, seem far worse than we were at his age.

Al wasn’t taking as many of these supplements during her pregnancy with Grace – and as mentioned previously, when she stopped taking some after Grace was born, Grace became a much calmer baby.

We will probably never now - but it is something in the back of our minds.

Posted by Doug at 10:18 AM