The Victorian Government released a draft Children Bill at the start of the month. Child protection laws are certainly needed - and the bill contains measures such as making it easier and quicker to remove children from their parents. The underlying tone (as reported) was that a Child's interests were more important than their parents, and that the government must do more than just protect vulnerable children, but had to give them every opportunity to have a healthy and happy childhood.

It is the tone that really worries me. It infers that what the Government thinks is best for the child outweighs the parent's rights. What the government thinks comes down to the agenda's of bureaucrats, vocal interest groups, and political ideals. It is no longer just about protection.

Posted by Doug at 8:52 AM

(Email to Grit.) Had a lovely birthday. Doug and I made it out for cake and coffee in the morning while Doug's mum minded Jack, which was nice. Then I had a couple friends over for takeaway dinner that night. Got some nice pressies also, which is always good. Very much enjoying spending this time at home with Jack. He is now smiling and cooing, and spending more time awake. He is enjoying playtime with his toys, and still loves his cuddles and snuggling up to me while sleeping.

Posted by Al at 1:59 PM

(Email to Michelle.) Jack had put on more weight again this week, so I think he is back on track from that side of things. They do say it is all a bit subjective with weekly weigh-ins. My supply had slowed down a bit when we stretched his feeds, although having fed him a bit more regularly during the day in past week seems to have picked it up again. A friend recommended the fenugreek herb as it supposedly boosts your supply, and that also seems to have helped. Jack can still seem a bit frantic about feeding at times though.

Jack is certainly getting a lot of socialising so far, and seems to love being around different people, loves being held while sleeping (it doesn't matter who is holding him), so hopefully if we continue socialising him all the way along he will continue to be comfortable around different people.

Amazing how you start to really appreciate the little things in life - how comfortable your bed is, a nice hot shower, a cooked meal, etc.

Posted by Al at 2:07 PM

Al sent me a link to the following today. We must be hooked on Oxytocin.

"Scientists have discovered that hugs can reduce heart disease, cut stress, help you live longer -- and improve public speaking. The key lies in the "feel-good" hormone oxytocin, which is released during childbirth and breastfeeding. Researchers from the University of North Carolina found that both sexes benefited from hugging." Link 

Posted by Doug at 6:42 PM

(Email to Jim M.) All continues to go well here. Jack is now starting to smile and coo and have longer times awake during the day, and is enjoying his play sessions. It is great watching him develop. Have had Doug's mum here for past 1 1/2 weeks so helps to have an extra pair of arms, since Jack does love to be held a lot. Have also been getting out and about taking him on a few pram walks and down to the local cafe for lunch, and further a field to my brother's 30th and down to Geelong to see my sister's new house. Have also had the opportunity to get out a few times without Jack, to do some shopping, and for cake and coffee with Doug, so life continues on pretty normally thus far :)

Posted by Al at 3:02 PM

Jack's going through his 6 week growth spurt at the moment - feeding every three hours, and being slightly more unsettled than normal. It is starting to wear Al down a bit - she is extra tired and a little more grumpy than usual, but is still handling things well. Overall though he's been a good little bloke most of the time, and we don't really have anything to complain about. Went to his Maternal Health Nurse visit today - he is up to 4.5kgs, 56cm long, and doing fine.

Posted by Doug at 11:29 PM

This is what I came home to this afternoon.

Posted by Doug at 7:33 PM

(Email to Karin.) Jack was good on the shopping trip, and in general has been really good with most company. He loves being held and likes looking at different people's faces and hearing different voices, so it makes it easier to continue a social life when he is like that. He has been very good overall - has his moments when he is upset, but only has the occasional prolonged cry (once or twice a week) so we have been really lucky with him so far. He is spending far more time awake now during the day and loves playing with his toys and activity mat, and looking around and observing things.

Posted by Al at 12:40 PM

I realised the other day at work I was forgetting to blog on all the little things...

. Al found that by putting the Activity mat down at the open door to the bathroom, Jack could keep himself amused for 20 minutes while she had a shower in the morning.

. She also found that when she puts Jack down on the floor next to the window he can stare at the outside world with interest for another 20 minutes - allowing her to get breakfast and clean up the kitchen. She still talks to him and stop to interact, but these two tricks provide an early shower and food that make a big difference to her day.

. Jack loves stretching. He can take 10 minutes to wake himself up - going through the most glorious and comfortable looking stretches, arms out sideways or above his head, groaning and moaning loudly. Once finished he will pause for mere seconds before crying loudly for food or company.

. We think he doesn't sleep as well in the pram as he can't get his arms stretched out sideways.

. Lately Jack prefers to be held up high when over your shoulder so he can hold his head up and look around. He kicks and complains if you don't.

. He can get bored quickly if he wakes up and there is nothing to see or do.

. Al has to be very careful with what she eats - as Jack reacts with bad wind to many things he picks up through her breast milk. Tomatoes and BBQ Shapes are particularly bad for him.

. Right from the first week Jack has known about burps and what burping is about. He lets out signs of contentment after loud burps.

. He makes the same noises of contentment after large farts.

. He now rarely gets upset from bowel movements or soiled nappies - unlike the early days.

. He has cradle cap rather badly. Takes a lot of effort with little apparent success to try and treat.

. Jack's Mum and Dad are doing ok.

Posted by Doug at 8:38 AM

Al and I keep in touch during the day via email. Keeping up to date on bowel movements and sleeping patterns is amusing. Seeing how positive Al is about most of her experiences with Jack is just lovely.

Posted by Doug at 10:02 AM

The Screaming Review

Week 1

Jack came into the world screaming, and we knew straight away he had a good set of lungs. He was still screaming as I cut the Umbilical cord, and still screaming as the midwife gave him a quick wipe down and did the initial examination. She then lay him down and prompted me to take some photos. At this point his screaming dropped to a mournful cry, and the first couple photos showed Jack with a very sad and sorry look on his face. Once wrapped up he spent the next 24 hours regarding those around him with a frown, or was off in a deep sleep.

He was more unsettled in the second 24 hours as his body adjusted to consuming colostrum, and he was prone to screaming at farts, bowel movements, or the slightest bit of anything in his nappy. The third day was reasonably good as he got more used to feeding, nappies, and being handed around lots of visitors. I then went home and Al had a pretty rough night at the hospital. Seemed Jack had his nights and days mixed up (which is common), and he was more alert and so unhappy at nights. Day 4 Als milk came in and we went backwards until he got used to it. He started demanding frequent feeds, and wasn't easy to settle once he got upset. We took him home and had a couple reasonable days where he slowly seemed to be getting better.

Week 2 and 3

This was made up of time where Jack continued to get better and got his days and nights right - mixed in with three (very) bad periods. The first was a long day and a 5 hour screaming session overnight. He was demanding constant feeds and was literally draining Al. All that screaming finally tired him out and he slept well. We realised we were actually feeding him too often, and by ensuring at least 3 hours between feeds he calmed down a lot. (Gave him a chance to digest the food.) The second bad period lasted a couple days - and was basically where Jack was screaming with discomfort / pain from wind. We realised this related to some of Al's diet, and by cutting out a number of food types we got over that hurdle. The third bad period saw Jack screaming for almost 19 hours straight. This was extremely hard - but coincided with Al having mastitis and a high fever.

Week 4 and 5

Relatively good weeks - where Jack only seemed to have one or two witching hours over each day, and two good sleeping sessions each night. One of 5 or 6 hours, followed by another 4 hour session.

Week 6

Growing Pains. Babies have a growth spurt around now, and Jack seems to be in the middle of his. We had one good day yesterday, but for much of the last week Jack just hasn't seemed entirely happy in his own skin. If he's not sleeping, he's uncomfortable. He's feeding every three hours, and is unsettled between all but a handful of feeding sessions.

You hold him - he is fine and half asleep, then BANG - he screams in utter anguish. You work at him, changing positions, walking and rocking, soothing, and calming him. His screams drop to a cry, then a wimper, and finally his eyes will half close and he signs... then BANG.. he's off screaming again. Now repeat that over and over and over again.. It is not gas - although he is of course getting that, and it isn't his nappy or that he is hungry or too hot or too cold or wrapped too tight or wrapped too loose. He just isn't a happy man little man.

We can make things ok for a while by distracting him - be that play time or the bath he got tonight. We have learnt our lesson already though with distractions - you have to be very careful not to overtire or overwhelm him. Misjudge and distract him for a little too long, and you'll put him into disjointed screaming fit that is even harder to calm him down from.

Can't complain

Yes - Jack certainly knows how to scream. To be honest however we can't really complain. There are hard times, but at least we get plenty of chances between to relax, enjoy, and recharge the batteries in between. When he is screaming, Al can normally settle him within 5 to 10 minutes. I think we are getting away lightly so far.

Posted by Doug at 12:10 AM

Jack turns 7 weeks tomorrow. I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts, for my own memory, to pass onto Jack down the track, or in case anything happens to me before Jack reaches adulthood. (With my dad dying when I was 13 months old, you just never know what could happen. You can’t take for granted that you will get to see your child grow up).

Pregnancy Thoughts

. I was thrilled to get pregnant. It is something that you can't take for granted.

. I loved being pregnant, and was blissfully happy throughout the whole thing, enjoying the process and looking forward to meeting Jack

. A lot of people told me I glowed during pregnancy and that it suited me

. I am usually very cold (hands, feet, nose, etc), but pregnancy made me very warm, much to Doug's delight

. I loved feeling Jack moving about inside me

. I was surprised by Jack's hiccuping inside me

. All my tests came back with excellent results, so I believe the healthy diet I had undertaken before and during the pregnancy played a part in that. (Thanks to the naturopath and vitamin supplements.) Dr Rosiah told me I had the best iron levels he had seen in this country for a female.

. I felt very healthy throughout, and maintained a positive attitude to everything that came my way. I had some of the normal things like tiredness (particularly in first and last trimesters - which then kept me snacking continually to try and keep up energy), a few cravings but not too many (mainly Cadburys Crunchie Shakes, Nougat and Liquorice), a little backache, and I was occasionally hormonal (if I didn't eat immediately when I thought I needed to). I didn't focus on those things - just seeing them as part and parcel of the whole experience.

. I loved seeing the ultrasounds – it was very exciting to see the first images.

. I was going to be happy either way to have a boy or a girl. As I don't have an older brother, I was happy it turned out to be a boy first, as I think an older brother would be nice for a younger sibling.

. Doug and I chose the name Jack for a boy either just before I got pregnant or very early on. We kept the name the whole time and didn't change our minds.

. We decided to find out the sex to help visualise what to expect, and to help with the preparations. We found it difficult not to accidentally spill the beans on the sex or the name, since we referred to the baby as 'he', 'Jack' or 'Jackles’ between ourselves.

. We decided not to tell everyone else to keep it as a surprise. We thought it was more special for the birth to be able to announce all the details then.

. We did accidentally slip up to Jude and to Doug's Dad...oops! As far as we know they are the only people. They didn’t tell us before the birth though.

. Jack, know that you were very much wanted, and very much loved, even before you arrived

. I didn't really start showing until about 26 weeks or so, so only bought maternity clothes then. I enjoyed having a bump to show, and watching it develop and grow, and wore my bump proudly. Doug also told me he loved how I looked while pregnant, and took photos along the way, and suggested we go back to our wedding photographer (Andrew Kopp) to capture the moment, which I was very happy to do. (And conned dad to be in the picture too - something he hadn't counted on).

. Being pregnant has probably been the happiest time of my life up until having Jack arrive

. Jack was very much planned - I knew I always wanted to have kids; it was more a question of 'when'. Like many in our generation, I wanted to go to Uni, establish my career, get married (Doug and I enjoyed our dream wedding), buy a house that is close to our dream home, set it up with beautiful furnishing, have nice cars to drive, and do some travel before having kids. Having gone a fair way to establishing all these things first meant I can focus on my kids as my top priority now, rather than trying to do everything together, or regret not having had the opportunities to do them at all. It also means Daddy and I have had 14.5 fantastic years together first, so have a solid foundation to our relationship, a happy home that is reasonably well set up, and without too much financial stress. This also means I could relax and enjoy the pregnancy and look forward to having the maternity period off, without having to worry about the finances.

Posted by Al at 7:11 PM

Thoughts on the Birth Experience

. I had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions for a few weeks, then false labour pains in the week leading up to the birth, so I started wondering if I was going to recognise the 'real thing' when it came. (Daddy found that amusing that I could possibly think I wouldn't realise it)

. On Monday 4th of July (Grandma C's Birthday) I had what I thought was a small breaking of waters, so I called Daddy home. We went to hospital but they couldn't be sure, so sent us home again. We were amused they gave me cold water to drink to wake up the baby, since he had gone to sleep as soon as they started trying to monitor him. Doug worked from home then on Tuesday 5th and Wednesday 6th.

. On the 6th I had the OB visit. He started talking about if the baby was overdue what we would do (the ultrasound date had been 1st July, the OB’s official date was the 6th) - suggested the 12th of July (Auntie Lis birthday) as the day to induce if need be.

. On Thursday 7th I had my Waters break again at 4am. False labour on and off until 6am so Daddy went off to work. By 8am I knew it was the real thing (no mistaking it now) so sent Doug an urgent email to come home immediately.

. By the time Doug got home I was lying in bed feeling in a lot of pain, and with contractions around 10-15 mins apart. I got up and had shower that made me feel a lot better - contractions now about 5 mins apart, and for what I thought was around 30 secs. Told daddy to ring hospital as I felt I should go in straight away.

. Left to go to hospital - to run into the old cleaners (last day) and new cleaners (first day). The last thing I needed since I always feel uncomfortable around our cleaners, and I hadn't wanted to have anyone other than Daddy around me when I went into labour!

. By the time we made it to hospital, contractions were 2 mins apart, and I was having some urges to push. We went into the labour room and had a foetal monitor attached. Midwife Jenny encouraged me to get off the bed and start moving. I decided straight away to have a bath, and got daddy to run it. I felt so much better once I got in, with the feeling of floating and being weightless.

. I remembered the breathing, relaxation and positive thinking techniques from the 'hypnobirthing' notes and audio I had listened to. (Much thanks to Melina and Irene for putting me onto this.) I spent all my time focused on breathing – I couldn't talk to poor Doug, although he was doing all the right things in being supportive and encouraging.

. I found that by putting my head underwater during contractions it seemed to dull the sense of pain (Daddy thought I was doing this so I didn't have to listen to him or the midwife).

. The Midwife had told me to suppress the urge to push - this was the most painful thing - more so than the contractions themselves. The contractions felt like waves of pain gripping my stomach - like the worse period cramp ever, but not too painful to need pain relief for.

. Time seemed to change dimension - I made the mistake of asking the time at one stage but it was only 10-15 minutes after I'd last asked. I decided to forget about the time. Finally after Jenny saw me unable to suppress a push at 12 she checked how dilated I was. She found she could feel the head, so suggested I get out of the bath and they could start me pushing.

. The only way I can describe the pushing is like the worst constipation ever. Dr Rosiah arrived at 12:30 and Jack entered the world at 12:49. So although it felt a lot longer, 5 hours from start of official contractions is considered very short for first labour, and after all the effort, it was a relief and somewhat amazing that all of a sudden it was all over.

. Dr Rosiah and the midwife said I did a great job - hardly made a sound (other than a bit of groaning), and that I can come again!

. It was amazing to lay eyes on my precious baby for the first time - so long anticipated, and to hold him and look at how perfect all his features were. It was so strange to suddenly go from being 'pregnant' to holding our brand new baby in our arms, and know we were all of a sudden parents fully responsible for this beautiful baby boy.

. Dr Rosiah did tell us I had been 2cms dilated the previous day, so he had expected to see us there that day (but he hadn't told us that - probably a good thing so I could get a good night's sleep beforehand).

. The only shock was afterwards was when the placenta was being taken out. There was a lot of blood, and the midwife then mentioned that there was an extra section, and that if it had ruptured during the birth, it could have been goodbye to the baby if they hadn't got him out in time, and possibly haemorrhaging and goodbye Mum also. Daddy and I were both in shock and horrified to hear this just minutes after the birth. It is the sort of thing you know is a possibility, although you don't really think it would happen to you. After questioning Jenny and Dr Rosiah again later, and further research, we found it was called a 'Succenturiate Lobe' - an extra section to the placenta, which apparently occurs in 5% of pregnancies. What made mine unusual and dangerous was that normally this extra section is connected by spidery veins, whereas in my case it was a thick blood vessel (about size of straw) connecting it, so if that had burst, this is what could have caused all the problems. Jenny took photos of it, and is making my placenta part of the midwife training for unusual birth cases! So all's well that ends well, but very scary to contemplate that we could have lost our precious baby at the last minute, and/or my life. It is unknown what causes it, but it is thought it may be due to a twin that died in the first few weeks of pregnancy, so if that's the case, also very sad. Apparently there is no more risk of it happening for any further pregnancies for me than anyone else, but will make me feel slightly worried just in case. Was better not knowing about it beforehand to not have to worry, and sounds like it would have been very difficult to pick it up in ultrasounds or examinations earlier.

. The physical side of recovery took me a bit by surprise - feels like have suddenly woken up in a foreign body, pain from stitches, strange feeling of milk coming in and getting used to the feeding, lack of sleep leaving me feeling vague and in a fog for the first couple weeks, etc

Posted by Al at 7:41 PM

Early thoughts on Jack:

. We have been amazed at how expressive his face is, showing up all his emotions - particularly when in REM sleep.

. I love his 'catlike' hand movements, little fingers stretched out, or hands flopped and curled.

. I think he has the 'Carter' frown from his daddy, along with daddy's nose and lips, and blue eyes for now (unless they change colour!)

. I think he has mummy's face shape, dark hair at birth, and mummy's great love of sleep.

. We are besotted with our little man, 'Jackles' as we affectionately call him, and think he is very cute.

. I love watching all his movements, to now see what I had been feeling on the 'inside' while I was pregnant.

Posted by Al at 7:53 PM

I was woken up at 5am this morning by Jack making noises in his Bassinette. He had the hiccups, and seemed to be going through his repertoire of noises and chortling to himself at the effects. We heard hiccup effected Cooos, Ahhhs, Wooos, Huurahhs, Oowws and little squeals, which all seemed to delight him.

After 15 minutes of amusing himself (and his parents), he started to get himself worked up. I transferred him to Al and went and had a shower. When I left the bedroom to come downstairs he was laying in the crook of one of his Mum's arms with a look of contented bliss on his face, fast asleep.

Posted by Doug at 7:36 AM

Jack is a clothes, mitten and blanket Houdini. He gets himself out of all of them

Posted by Doug at 12:25 PM

Babies seem to be a little like cats in their early months - when it comes to looking blissfully comfortable laying sprawled across someone.

Posted by Doug at 10:37 PM

Jack was a little grizzly yesterday - and took more effort than usual to settle during the day. One of the methods Al uses to help calm him is to stand in a darkened room holding him, taping his back slowly with two fingers, and humming. The humming is a deep; mainly tuneless noise that I imagine vibrates through Jack while he is pressed up close. It seems to help.

The other night I came to bed and found Jack lying across Al's stomach, fast asleep. He was occasionally making little baby grunts and groans, and Al was responding with short bursts of her humming. The odd thing though - Al was also fast asleep.

Posted by Doug at 8:38 AM

Smiles and baby talk - Jack building up an excess supply of good brownie points.

Posted by Doug at 7:39 PM

What's Jack up to so far:

. Worked out day from night after about 2 weeks, and generally goes for long periods overnight between feeds (anywhere from 4-7.5 hours at a time)

. Loves his dummy (pacifier), which was introduced just before 3 weeks. Mummy and Daddy very happy as it reduced his crying considerably.

. He started smiling and cooing from around 3-4 weeks.

. His favourite toys are his animal skittles sent from Sweden by Auntie Lis. He loves focusing on them and knocking them over.

. He enjoys playing on his activity mat from 5 weeks

. He loves holding his neck up when I burp him/holding him up on my shoulder, looking all about.

. He loves being held, and enjoys visitors - different faces to look at and voices to listen to.

. He loves sleeping lying on me, up near my neck, across my belly, or held in my lap.

. He loves bath time with Doug, floating and kicking his legs in the water and kicking off the edge, and loves playing with Doug also. He makes good faces, good noises, and talks lots to his little man.

. He loves stretching out in every direction, particularly in his cradle, although already his hands are hanging out the sides when at full side stretch!

. He is starting to grab hold of my top when feeding, and getting better grip of fingers, and can certainly grip his dummy and toss it out when he wants.

. He is spending more time awake and at play.

. In the past week he has started noticing his mobile above his change table, and is fascinated watching it.

. He noticed himself in the mirror on his activity mat and has laughed at himself as he moves about.

. He notices the TV.

. He enjoyed the baby massage we learnt in 2nd week of Mother's Group.

. He enjoys lying on the ground looking out the windows into the backyard and seeing the wind moving the plants about. (Or maybe he just sees his own reflection in the glass - who really knows!)

. He was 8lb 1oz (3.6kg), and 50cm at birth. At 6 weeks he was 56cm and 4.5kgs.

Posted by Al at 7:55 PM

Parenthood so far:

Overall I am really loving it so far. I love spending the time at home with Jack, holding him for much of the day and night (probably up to 18 hours a day since he sleeps on me for the first half and last part of the night, and only in his cradle for around 4 hours in between). I love watching him, his different expressions, watching him grow and develop, watching his excitement at playing with his skittles (his 'friends' as we call them) and his cooing and excited laughter noises. I love watching his face light up with a smile at me, or as Doug approaches. I love building up my bond with him, and watching him building up a bond with his daddy. I enjoyed watching him build up his bond with his Grandma C when she stayed with us.

As Doug and I have said together, the good times are even better than expected, the hard times even harder. We had 5 difficult days early on, when I had mastitis, Jack having a lot of gas and seemingly sensitive to things I eat (like chocolate, broccoli, cows milk, corn, citrus fruits, etc, so I have cut these things out), so a lot of non stop crying during those days. Apart from that, Jack has been very good overall. We get the occasional prolonged crying, but generally he is happy most of the time.

He lacks patience (eg, sometimes he wakes up crying immediately or when he wants food it has to be immediately given). Generally he knows what he wants – it just sometimes takes us a while to figure it out.

Jack has been an angel around visitors (usually sleeping or looking contentedly about) so it has made it easier getting out and about and having people over, and to feel like life has continued on as normal. We are hoping to socialise Jack from early on. I am also very interested in his development, so have been doing lots of reading up on ways to help him with ideas on play, etc, and looking to start 'mother and baby' yoga, and 'baby gymbaroo'. Not that I am trying to make him more advanced than he needs to be, I just want to stimulate him, and give him the opportunity to develop to his fullest potential. That's all we really hope for him - that he can be happy and healthy, and find things he loves to do in life and enjoy doing them, whatever that may be. And also hopefully provide a stable, happy, loving environment for him to grow up in.

It can be scary and overwhelming at times to realise we are fully responsible for him, and gives more empathy for our parents in bringing us up. All we can hope to do is our best, realise we aren't perfect parents (as there is no such thing) but just do what we feel is right at the time, learn through our mistakes and trial and error, try to be patient and remember Jack is just a baby and there will be difficult times, and we don't have all the answers, and just make the best decisions we can for him.

A lot of people beforehand told me it would all be instinct and I worried I wouldn't have any instincts to follow! Thankfully a lot of things do seem to come quite naturally. Having not spent that much time around babies (only usually seeing them for an hour asleep, or handing them back to their parents as soon as they cried) to suddenly having to work out what to do when Jack is crying, how long to hold him, how often to feed him and recognise when he is really hungry Vs overtired Vs dirty nappy Vs gas Vs just needs to be held and hugged, etc, isn't easy, but we are getting better over time.

I’ve been amazed at how busy I am - everyone tells you beforehand you will be really busy, but it doesn't seem fully real until it happens.

Posted by Al at 8:04 PM