Al at full term.

Posted by Doug at 9:25 PM

Al's just headed off to bed, feeling and looking tired. Are we going to get full nights sleep? How many more nights will I be contemplating the same thing...

Posted by Doug at 11:04 PM

Purchased a digital video camera today. Was on the list and plans to organise before the birth, but took a long time to do. Every time I sat down to research them it just got overwhelming. There were far far too many choices, and far too many models. Anyway, went shopping today with some good general knowledge, some specific requirements, a couple brands and a price range, and ended up with a Panasonic NV-GS250.

Al's sister visited this afternoon. She travelled for 40 hours from New Orleans, and came here soon after landing. She was grateful that she got to see Al's pregnant stomach. Al has been getting more of what feel like false contractions - including a few over the last hour. The little one has gone quiet over the last couple days - just making small little movements here and there. It has also been sitting low. Hopefully things are moving along, although it is very hard to know.

Posted by Doug at 7:16 PM

Had a discussion with my manager the other day about the new trainee. My manager had worked in Asia before, and had some insightful comments on cultural differences - particularly around language, the meaning of yes, and the way different countries teach in their schools. Explained a few things with his behaviour, and I've taken the knowledge on board.

Another staff member I've spent some time training was down from Sydney last week. On her way home she arrived at the airport to be told her flight would be delayed, but that they could put her on a later flight that would in fact now leave earlier. No problem she says. 15 minutes before boarding she took a prescription valium (she really does not like flying). Shortly after an announcement was made that the flight would be delayed... she then started getting sleepy. 45 minutes later they announce the flight is still delayed... and she was still sleepy. After almost 3 hours of delays she pops another valium as her flight finally boards. Once seated she finds herself between a child overdosed on sugar, and a pregnant woman who was constantly throwing up. As much as she wanted to sleep she wasn't able to, and had to go through a rough and turbulent flight. Even her taxi driver at the other end was a kamikaze. She might work harder on her excuses for not coming down to visit our office in future...

Posted by Doug at 6:56 PM

Meanwhile it was a busy day on the baby front.

I walk around the park near work each morning at 9:30 - covering a large triangle loop. I do this instead of having a lunch break. I have been thinking to myself that if Al was to call to say she was in labour, I would likely be on my walk and at the further point from the office. Today, on my walk, at literally the furthest point from the office, Al called.

She thought her waters might have broken soon after she got up. She'd been to the toilet and was subsequently picking out clothes for the day when she just felt herself "leaking". She quickly made her way to the toilet where she had a mini gush of around a cup of fluid come out which did not appear to be urine. She had a shower and waited a while, but there were no contractions, and no more fluid. The hospital said that if there was any possibility that your membranes had ruptured that you needed to call them, which probably meant a trip in to be checked out.

As such I had to leave work early - under the watchful gaze and questions of my colleagues. It was a touch embarrassing, and I indicated it was not likely to be anything, and not to be expecting news. By the time I had got home there was still no sign of contractions, but the hospital wanted us to come in anyway.

They couldn't tell if Al's waters had broken or not, but spared her a closer examination. A midwife examined the baby’s position, which elicited the most violent kick I've seen from the baby (I saw Al's stomach shoot out as it knocked the midwife's hand away). She gave a surprised "Woah...". Obviously it doesn't like being poked. They wanted to graph 10 minutes of the baby’s heart rate. After attaching the sensors, watching it for a couple minutes while remarking on how healthy it was, the midwife (Jenny) left the room. At this point the baby promptly fell asleep. This produced 8 minutes of nice, calm and sedate graph, which was no use at all to Jenny. So she decided to wake it up.

Do you know how they did that? They gave Allison a glass of iced water. It worked, although that seems a little cruel to me!

Anyway - both baby and mother are extremely healthy. There were signs she might have been in early stage labour - including very frequent Braxton Hicks the midwife kept noticing (but that Al wasn't...), but that obviously was not right since she still hasn't felt a contraction 7 hours later. In the end they don't think her waters have broken. All told a touch embarrassing since Al really did not want to go into hospital without need, and had not really wanted to go in with this anyway.

So more waiting. While things seem to be moving along, we are both really ready for things to start. We have taken to walking once a day, but otherwise can do little but relax and let nature take its course.

Posted by Doug at 9:10 PM

Al had a second rough night in a row. It isn't related to the pregnancy - she has blocked sinuses that are causing her a lot of pain and are making it very difficult to get to sleep. She managed to sleep between 4 and 9am, so is feeling a little better for it. She has a friend coming over to visit this morning, but otherwise plans to take it easy today. I'm working from home for support, but things appear to have settled down again on the baby front.

Posted by Doug at 10:53 AM

(Email to Lana.) Still feeling well. Happy to have got my first 2 weeks of R&R in, since I didn't know if I would get that long. Feeling slightly odd now, knowing it must be close, but not knowing what day! Still just taking each day as it comes, and making the most of the opportunity to relax. Finished all the TV shows I had taped, but barely got into the stock of DVDs as yet, so still plenty to keep me entertained. Have also read a few books, but still also have a stockpile left to go. My sister just arrived back from the US on Sunday, so she was happy to have the opportunity to see my pregnant belly and be back in time for the arrival.

Posted by Al at 11:03 AM

 

I wonder how much time I will spend "hiding" in my study once Jack is born?

Posted by Doug at 9:41 PM

Jack arrived yesterday at 12:49pm - healthy and with full voice! Mum had a 5 hour labour, did very well, and is very happy (and sore and tired!) During our visit to the OB on the previous day he had known Al would go into labour yesterday, but did not mention it to us. (The right thing - we didn't sit around stressing from that point on!) I'll write more later - what went on, and how I felt and am feeling. I just have a little bit too much running around to do today.

Posted by Doug at 3:05 PM

10 Minutes after the birth

 

Posted by Doug at 9:34 PM

There are one hundred and five different indications that labour is imminent. When you get one of these signs you will know that the birth should be expected some time in between an hour and two weeks away… maybe. The most common one people raised was nesting. I was looking forward to seeing Al running around washing windows and scrubbing the oven, but it never eventuated.

There were three main signs that Al's labour was coming. The first were the Braxton Hicks and period like cramps that started some weeks before, and slowly increased in volume. The second started a few days before, and took the form of extra discharge and spotting. (Yes I know, I shouldn't really be mentioning things like that, but it was indeed the second sign.) The last sign - that occurred from about 24 to 48 hours before, was like a bad case of PMS. I wish it was cleaning the house - but no, it was Al being extra grumpy and nasty.

Al was woken up at around 4am on Thursday with more "leaking" - about the same as on the Monday. She also had lots of Braxton Hicks and a number of the period like cramps. Aside the leaking, she had gone through this several times during the week, but it had previously stopped after half a dozen of the cramps. We assumed her body was getting ready for the birth. When I woke at 5am she let me know how she was feeling. I showered and got ready for work, and by the time I was ready to leave she had had about 6 cramps.

We discussed it, and I then went into work. (I had a security access token on me that I needed to drop off.) On arrival I had an email from Al indicating the cramping had actually continued. After 90 minutes I had a further email from her saying she was pretty sure it was the real deal, and asked me to come home.

I packed up straight away (but forgot to reply to her email), and headed home feeling relatively calm, touched by a little disbelief, and not entirely assuming or expecting anything. When I walked into the house it was feeling rather cold, quiet and empty. I called out to Al but she did not respond. I went up to our bedroom and found her lying in bed on her side looking very unwell and unhappy. (Hugging pillows if I remember right.) It seemed real contractions were very uncomfortable and painful.

We had been given the impression that labour would last on average 12 hours, and that we shouldn't go to the hospital until the contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted 45 seconds each. Al had her first real contraction at around 8am. They hit her every 15 minutes after that, each lasting for 15 to 20 seconds. It was during this time she sent me emails indicating it was the real thing and to come home. By the time I got home a bit after 9 they had changed and were now coming on close to every five minutes, and lasting 20 to 25 seconds.

Rather to Al's annoyance I wandered about the house packing my bag, emailing work to say I wouldn't be available for the rest of the day, and made myself a cup of tea. You see - we had plenty of time…

Al seemed to be struggling, and even had a very big urge to push during one contraction. I sternly told her not too. It was easy for me to say, but I figured it wasn't easy for Al to ignore since her whole back had lifted up off the bed and twisted sideways.

She was groaning and sounding very sad and sorry for herself. I tried to give her an optimistic pep talk about how she would soon get to meet our baby, but it was interrupted by a contraction. After this Al told me she didn't think she could do this for too long, and wanted to go into hospital. I indicated her contractions hadn't got to 45 seconds yet, and that she probably had hours more to go which might be more comfortable to be spent at home, but she didn't seem to appreciate my view. I went downstairs and called the hospital.

I could tell the person taking the call wasn't impressed, but I indicated Al wasn't coping, and was told (with a touch of annoyance), "Bring her in then". I dawdled around the house for a while longer, and suggested Al have a shower. She sternly told me she had already tried the shower but that it had not helped, and would I hurry up. (How was that - being told to hurry up. This was from someone who is permanently running behind schedule…)

On the way out of the house our cleaners arrived. Al lent against the garage wall looking very unhappy and was hit by another contraction while I reversed the car out. She has never been that comfortable around our cleaners - and here she was in labour in front of them. I found it amusing. Al didn't.

On the drive there I tried to keep up her spirits. After a while it became apparent that her contractions were now coming along every 3 minutes, although still only lasting for 20 to 25 seconds. We got to the hospital relatively quickly (I was calm and did not speed), but had to wait in the car for one contraction to pass, and wait just outside of the hospital doors as another contraction hit.

We got to the maternity ward and rang the bell. As we waited Al had another contraction. After a couple quick questions we were shown to a birthing suite and told a midwife would be along. They didn't seem to be in a rush. While there Al sat on the edge of the bed, held me, and continued to have frequent contractions. She moaned and breathed during them, but basically just seemed to be quietly in her own world dealing with them. During this time another midwife popped her head in, indicated it sounded like she was having real contractions, and that she was breathing through them the right way. Al had two contractions while this midwife chatted, so she headed off to hurry our midwife along.

Jenny (not the same one we saw earlier in the week) arrived; checked Al and the Baby's heart beat, and chatted to us as she prepared the birth suite. At this time the contractions were still coming every 3 minutes and lasting 22 to 30 seconds each. They basically continued with this pattern until the baby was born. Lucky we never waited for those magic 45 second contractions!

She asked if Al wanted any Gas, but she indicated not yet. She then suggested Al try the bath, and I was given something useful to do filling it. Once done Al climbed in and basically stayed floating there for the next 90 minutes. She barely said a word, and seemed to be concentrating on being calm. With each contraction she would reach out of the bath and grab hold of a support bar, her whole body would lift in the water, her breathing would change, she would sometimes moan. I gave her water and said what I thought were the right things - although I noticed she would often drop her ears below the water line so probably couldn't hear me anyway.

Jenny the midwife had already called our OB, and was waiting for him to examine Al. After witnessing one particularly harsh contraction where Al almost lifted out of the water with the urge to push, she decided to examine Al closer herself. At this stage Al had been in labour for about 4 hours, and since getting into the bath, was coping ok. I remember the midwife remark - "Oh, the babies head is right there already. I think we will get you out of the bath and let you start pushing. If doesn't hurry along, he might miss this one."

So just on 12pm Al started pushing.

The antenatal classes were excellent, and so far I had felt pretty comfortable with what was happening. I was almost feeling relaxed about it. I had thought I would support Al with encouraging words, and by reminder her of how special the moment was, and how we were soon to get to meet our son. While I felt I was saying the right things, Al for the most part was just quietly concentrating and was somewhat in her own world. At this stage I felt we were both coping and doing better than what we could have expected.

Posted by Doug at 9:23 PM

Sleeping in his Crib at the hospital

 

Posted by Doug at 9:57 PM

The actual pushing part of the birth lasted just under 50 minutes. The midwife lead Al through the process – what position she should be in, when she should start and stop pushing, and at various times gave tips on what to do and what not to do. Al just concentrated on her breathing and pushing.

From up around Al’s head it was kind of like any half decent TV drama birth. Leaning forward, half quiet grunting and straining noises, lean back and relax for a bit. It just went for a lot longer. Al didn’t seem to be in as much discomfort – but for the most part was still in her own little world ignoring me!

This might have been the perception I kept of the process, if it wasn’t for the midwife and the OB (who arrived 15 minutes in) who kept calling me down to the other end of Al to show the various stages. They seem so enthusiastic, so I found I couldn’t really say no. I already knew birth was a rather practical thing, now I had the visuals backing that up.

So things seemed to get into a pattern for a while – progressing at a slow pace. The Midwife called me down to watch a pushing process towards the end – which I am glad Al couldn’t see. The head moved forward, then when Al stopped pushing, slipped back again. I guess that is why they don’t use mirrors during the pushing process as they can in a caesarean – it would be too depressing for the mother.

A short while after I had retreated back to Al’s side the OB asked Al to stop pushing for a moment (just like they do on TV), checked the baby, and then told her to push hard for one last time. That actually became three pushes from memory, but on the last one little Jack seemed to be born in a rush.

I remember two distinct things of that moment. The first was how Al’s body twisted sharply sideways as he was born, in a way that just screamed out “painful”. The second was milliseconds later – Jack giving his first very strong and loud cry.

Posted by Doug at 5:34 PM

Regarding his Dad from his Hospital Crib...

 

Posted by Doug at 6:42 PM

I remember congratulating Al and saying she had done really well. She looked happy but rather shaky. I was called “down” again – this time to cut the umbilical cord. Jack was still crying loudly, and I remember thinking there was a lot of blood around Allison, which concerned me.

The midwife wrapped Jack, then placed him in Al’s arms for a short while. Al said hello in a perfectly motherly way, and looked at Jack with obvious love on her face. The midwife then took Jack for his first check up, and prompted me to get the camera out to take some snaps of him. While this was happening the OB worked with Al to pass the placenta.

My first photos of Jack were of him crying and looking unhappy. The Midwife wrapped him up after an all clear, and got me to hold him while she went to help the OB. Jack (who had finally gone quiet and was frowning) was then passed to Al.

I remember thinking “good god”, “its here”, and “no turning back”, but didn’t have any one single shining thought. It was all a little bit of a shock – not quite real.

The situation was made more surreal when they called me over to look at Al’s placenta. (Remind me never to take up that offer again.) She had a succenturiate lobe – another chamber to the placenta. While not uncommon in itself, hers was connected to the main chamber by a major blood vessel. It was part of the reason there was so much blood. The midwife then remarked, “Lucky that your membranes ruptured in the main chamber, otherwise it might have been goodbye baby, goodbye mum.”

They explained things further the following day, and indicated the risk was actually low. But at the time it was a moment where we looked at each other, and at our newborn Jack, and realised how precious life is.

A couple days later as I was leaving the hospital for the evening I met another new mother – one from our antenatal class, and a nurse at the same hospital. She had been waiting outside the birthing suite next to ours as Al gave birth. She had been surprised at how little noise Al was making. She then said she heard “One final push”, a quiet grunt, and then a baby cry. She said she jokingly thought “Woah, what a bitch, talk about giving you performance anxiety.” She went on to give birth late that evening.

So all told - I felt somewhat useless and out of place, but was really happy with the hospital, the midwife, and the OB, who all made us feel comfortable and as confident as we could be. I was also extremely proud of Al, the way she handled the birth, and the way she handled the recovery.

Posted by Doug at 7:43 AM

Little Jack is home today. We felt more ready for this than expected, and so far he's been pretty good. I'm more worried how we are going to go without sleep tonight!

On his way home...

 

Posted by Doug at 10:40 PM

I suspect this will be something we both have to get used too...

He started crying at around 10:30pm. Changed his nappy (which should not have been bothering him), and decided not to feed him as he had only recently spent 90 minutes on the breast. An hour later he was still going, so Al checked his nappy to find it full. That quietened him down but he was still mouthing like he was hungry, so Al feed him again. Any time spent off the breast he would cry again - and mid feed Al had to change him again... He went back on the breast, and soon made the obvious noise of filling his nappy yet again. From the crying upstairs I assume Al stopped feeding him again and is changing his nappy... again. It is now 1/2 past midnight, and both of us are looking tired. He was apparently like this the last two nights in Hospital, but I did not see it. We seem to have an unsettled night owl...

Al and I are really going to have to ensure we sleep during the day while he does, and that during the night while one of us is up tending to him, the other is in bed. (Tonight both of us are tending to him, which is rather stupid.) We have my father (and maybe mother), Al's sister, stepsister, her baby, and probably Al's mother visiting tomorrow. I'm tired thinking about it already.

Posted by Doug at 1:34 AM

(Email to Jim C.) At home now and adjusting to the demands of early parenthood. Feeling quite relaxed and enjoying the process so far. Jack seems to have his days and nights mixed up at moment, so tends to sleep away the morning, but then have an unsettled period overnight. Anyway, it's all early days yet and we are just taking 1 day at a time. I am besotted with the little fellow!

Posted by Al at 11:27 AM

(Email to Michelle.) We have already figured out that I have been thinking he was still hungry when he is just over tired. Hard to just listen to him carrying on when feeding him makes him quiet in the short term... but then he goes through many more nappies and takes longer to settle down overall. So trying to recognise the difference between over tired and genuine hunger, or at least make him wait a reasonable time between feeds. All trial and error at this stage - we think he is smarter than we are in trying to give us signals for what he wants - just his parents are a bit slow to understand at times.

Posted by Al at 8:36 PM

(Email to Caterina.) Things are going fairly well overall. Jack sleeps well during the day and seems placid and content, but is having trouble settling at night. We think he has his days and nights confused at this stage. All trial and error, but enjoying the process nonetheless, and we are both feeling reasonably relaxed, and loving getting to know Jack. Think it will take time to get used to these night feeds though - I do feel like I am walking around in a bit of a fog. I am trying to make sure I get at least one day time sleep myself in preparation for the night.

Posted by Al at 1:14 PM

Jack with both sets of Grandparents...

 

Posted by Doug at 8:55 PM

The posts on July 9th, 10th and 11th were actually written at a later time (as was this post). I moved them so that they fitted more logically into the time line. I’ve added this post to document some of my thoughts over those first few weeks.

I had few expectations about the birth, what would follow over the next few weeks, or how I would react to it all. There were some aspects that worried me – primarily what if something went seriously wrong during labour, or if our Child was born with a serious condition. Since these things were out of my control, I did my best to just push such thoughts from my mind. Right through the day of the birth I was calmer that I expected – in fact I can’t remember feeling all that stressed. (Which was a surprise.)

I can’t lay claim to any inspiring thoughts when I first laid eyes on Jack, or the look of parental love that Al showed. I think it was more “Oh, your loud, and slightly odd looking, and you don’t look happy.” Later that day – when he was asleep in our arms, or in his crib, I allowed myself a quiet “Wow” or three.

I did not sleep in the Hospital during Al’s stay. Initially it was because Al was placed in a Caesarean room (the only available at the time), and it wasn’t really set up for fathers to stay. Once she moved into a normal suite it seemed like a good idea to ensure at least one of us got a good night sleep, so I left Al with Jack around 9pm each evening and drove home.

The first few weeks were filled with a constant flow of visitors, and a rush of errands and shopping for me. While we had been relatively well prepared, there were dozens of new items we realised would make life easier, or items we found we did not have enough of.

I do remember in the early days having a feeling of trepidation when returning from an errand and approaching Al’s hospital room or our house (once Jack came home). What state would Jack be in – would we be able to handle it properly? I might even have thought an “Oh my god, what have we done” once or twice. (That has thankfully passed!) Mostly however my mind was busy with whirring schedules and tips & tricks from books, friends and family. Al and I talked frequently about what was going on, what was working, what wasn’t, what we would try next, and how we were handling things.

The first few weeks were a big adjustment – but not as bad as I thought it might be. Jack was more expressive that I expected, but there was obviously little real interaction between us in that period. The feel good times revolved around successfully dealing with Jack – getting him to settle, realising what he was trying to communicate, stopping his crying. The bad times were when you couldn’t.

Reading my posts in the second half of July, you might be mistaken for thinking it was all crying baby. During the good times I was too busy to post, during the bad I used the blog to help collect and review my thoughts. (Hence the propensity for referring to the bad!) We did indeed have some very bad days – but they always related to something specific, either Al being sick, or having eaten something that Jack reacted too. For the most part the period involved Jack and his parents learning from each other, gaining a bit of an understanding, and slowly starting to enjoy the whole process.

So all told I really have nothing to complain about from the first few weeks.

Posted by Doug at 10:02 PM

Resting peacefully...

 

Posted by Doug at 7:52 PM

(Email to Karin.) Came home last Monday, so just about through our first week at home now. We are both feeling surprisingly relaxed so far - much more so than we expected by this stage. Jack seems to have his days and nights mixed up at moment. We are trying out different strategies on that front. It is a lot of trial and error generally at this stage - finding something that will work one day then not the next. At least there are different things to try - a bit of one-step forward, one step backwards at times. Also takes an adjustment to get used to all these feeds - particularly at night. The feeding is going well so far (think he takes after me and loves his food) so that has been a big relief. You never know if it is all going to happen naturally for you, particularly since I know a lot of people who have had problems in this area. I really enjoy it - it is a lovely bonding time with him, and he is so peaceful and happy during feeds.

I am loving getting to know Jack, and am besotted by him. I have been amazed how expressive his face, and how many 'cues' he gives us this early on. Mouth opening and going when hungry, hands pushing down like he is trying to get out of his clothes when he is uncomfortable and needs a nappy change, snuggles in for cuddles when he wants one but then pushes away with his little hands when that isn't what he wants, hands and legs flailing around when he is unsettled, etc. We think he is learning faster than we are, and it is just us that are taking awhile to understand at times what he is trying to tell us. Doug has been really helpful, running around behind us picking up all the dirty stuff and getting through the loads of washing, replenishing supplies so everything is where I need it when I need it, doing the grocery shopping, etc, so that makes things a lot easier. I can just focus on Jack's needs, and resting and looking after my own needs, and it is also helping us establish routines. Doug has also jumped right in from a hands-on approach with Jack, doing his baths, enjoying some play and cuddle times, changing some nappies, and helping me out with settling him at times, so it is also lovely to see them developing their bond also.

So all in all, thing going well overall so far, although very early days yet. I am just taking things one day at a time, and seeing each day as a fresh day regardless of how things went the previous one. I am staying positive about it all, and enjoying the process.

Posted by Al at 10:08 AM

(Email to Melissa.) Had my visit to the maternal nurse. Jack responded well to all the reflex things they tested him on. He has grown 3cm, and put on about 100g since last week. They are supposed to put on 200g a week on average, but she said it is all a bit subjective. (Last time she weighed him straight after a feed, whereas this time she weighed him just before a feed / and straight after a nappy change.) She said as long as he is doing lots of yellow coloured nappies, he is fine (which he is). She said he was around the 50 percentile for everything at this stage.

Have got out of the house a couple times without him, leaving him with Doug. Went and did a big grocery shop on Tuesday afternoon. Yesterday went back to the hospital to do a physio class, which I didn't get the chance to do while in hospital (since we were doing his first bath at the time it was on). That re-emphasized doing pelvic floor exercises, to be careful of your back (and the back is aching a bit with all the carrying Jack around), and gave some tummy exercises to do.

Jack has slept well the last 4 nights in a row, so fingers crossed that is a good pattern emerging, but we know it is still a day to day thing, and there could be many variations to his patterns. He has however instead had 1-2 restless periods during the days, but that easier to deal with. In general, we think we are getting better at settling him, which helps, although there are still times he just gets overtired and can't be consoled. Poor little fellow.

Posted by Al at 4:52 PM

 

Posted by Doug at 11:29 AM

What a rough day. The last four nights have been relatively good, but ever since his bath this morning Jack's been unsettled and crying most of the time. He just seems over tired, impossible to settle, and basically inconsolable. Whenever he does get to sleep he is being woken within 30 minutes by the need for a nappy change, or hiccups, or some other minor thing and he is off screaming again. He has worn both parents down.

For the second time today we have basically had to make sure he was fed, had a clean nappy, and then just lay him down and walk away. I'm sitting in my study at the moment with the baby monitor turned low listening to him scream himself (to hopeful sleep) in our bedroom. Al has gone to the single bed in the nursery to try and get some sleep before the next feed time.

... just did another nappy change - must have been almost 20 done today, and put him back down again. He is still screaming.

I'd hate to think someone else in the area has the same baby monitor, and is stuck listening to our baby crying for such a long period of time. I am making a point of going up and stroking his head and talking to him when he quietens down, but he isn't quiet too often. Are we bad parents doing this?

I know I should be thinking "awww, poor little guy" - but after more than 12 hours of it I am struggling to find such sympathy. I suspect if Al sat with him on her breast all day he would be fine - but that sort of short-term solution will make things much much worse in future. I'm going to go make a cup of tea.

Posted by Doug at 11:54 PM

I just wandered outside to check if you could hear Jack's screaming - thankfully you can't. Our neighbours shouldn't be sitting in their homes thinking - gosh those people are bad parents. That is unless of course they are listening in to our baby monitor….

Posted by Doug at 2:13 AM

Al has a fever and is feeling very unwell - we suspect she has a breast infection. She has gone from having an air of quiet strength to an air of being somewhat muddled and helpless. Jack seems to have picked up on that and is restless.

I guess that means I'm meant to step up to the plate, but mostly I'm just feeling over tired and not really in the mood for caring for an unsettled baby. Not in the mood - an option that is no longer really available. I hear crying - better go up and see if I can help.

Posted by Doug at 10:52 PM

He is screaming so hard at the moment he must be doing permanent damage to his voice box.

When I went to check after my last entry he had just unattached himself from the breast, laid back, and started to cry straight away. I took him off Al so she could get some sleep and carried him downstairs. I walked around with him in my arms, talking, patting, soothing, and finally managed to get him to go to sleep. I kept at it for another 10 minutes before putting him down. Within minutes he was awake and upset again. I picked him up and worked on him again for another 30 minutes to get him settled and down. This time he lasted about 8 minutes before getting upset. I started the process for a third time but he was twisting his whole body left and right and being overly agitated while being held. Finally in the end I checked his nappy for the third time, put him down with a monitor on and left him to cry.

And cry.

And scream himself to an absolutely ridiculously level.

I checked him after a while to find he had worked himself out of his wraps and along 3/4 the length of his bassinette. I checked his nappy yet again, re-wrapped him extra tight, and put him back down. He returned to his inconsolable screaming, with occasional pause to catch his breath before assaulting the air waves again. Hopefully when his Mum has had a couple hours sleep and is ready to feed him again, he'll drink and then go straight to sleep.

I said the other day I was finding it hard to have sympathy for him when he is in such a state. I know as a parent I am just meant to - but that sort of empathy didn't magically appear. To be horribly honest, it more simply annoys me. It is a typical male response - not being overly accepting of something that has no known solution and (in your eyes) no good reason for it.

I feel a lesser parent because of it.

I know he is just over tired - as I know I am.

Posted by Doug at 1:59 AM

Al had managed two and a half hours sleep by the time I brought Jack back to her, and was feeling better. I left the pair of them in the nursery as he started to feed and went to bed. Five hours later I woke up with a start and realised neither of them were in the room. When I went to check I found him dozing in his mother's arms. He had drank for 15 minutes after I had left, then fell off the breast and slept four hours straight. Al did not want to disturb him, so got comfortable and left him laying across her stomach. She said she dozed on and off, but basically just lay there resting and stroking him. When he woke he had a good feed on both sides, and quickly settled again afterwards. I moved him back to his bassinette, Al and I had breakfast, and then Al went back to bed. (Both of them are still sleeping at the moment, Al's fever is thankfully better.)

There seems such a fine line between getting it right and getting it wrong. Sometimes you need to give Jack multiple feeds over a short period of time and work hard to settle him. He will then sleep soundly. Other times the more you feed and work on him, the worse it gets. He'll only nap for short 5 to 10 minute bursts, and require constant work between times. Once this stretches out over more than 5 hours all concerned are starting to feel unhappy.

Leaving him to scream himself into exhausted sleep makes me feel uncomfortable, but I've seen in certain circumstances it has been the only thing that has worked. What is harder is wondering if you worked enough on him before getting to that state, or if you worked too much on him and only made it worse.

Posted by Doug at 10:45 AM

Al introduced the dummy last night. In initial use it worked well. Some of his mouthing, especially when waking upset soon after a feed, is about seeking comfort. He is often too agitated to hold, but the dummy can calm him enough so that he can be held and soothed. It is nice to have another option to try.

We had our scheduled visit to the health nurse. She had some suggestions and views which fitted in with Jack's behaviour, and has given us some more ideas. It was good to see that many of our observations and approaches we are taking are in the right direction. While we still think Jack easily gets over tired and does not like discomfort, now we have a couple more ideas on what is triggering it. (A touch of nappy rash, some of the food Al ate which we had already identified and removed from the diet, an upset stomach not helped by feeding too frequently some times, and Al's fever.)

I think overall we went into this assuming things would be tough. Overall it hasn't been as bad so far as we feared. Having said that - when things are bad, they are worse than we expected. Back to work tomorrow.

Posted by Doug at 12:42 PM

(Email to Jude.) Also, just to let you know. You know how you noticed me shivering on the Sunday? Turns out I came down with mastitis, including fever and flu like symptoms on the Sunday night (I was feeling really crap all day on Sunday). Anyway, I have now come through it ok, and am feeling much better. As a consequence Jack is also feeling much better (he was screaming when trying to feed him on Sunday). Doug eventually worked out it was due to my skin burning up so he was screaming every time he came in contact with it).

We were going to wait 3 weeks (as recommended) to give him a dummy, but with Doug returning to work on Wednesday, we decided to give it to him on Monday night. It has worked wonders in calming him down, and reduced 90% of his crying. He has even now slept 6 hours straight for past 2 nights in a row. He has been more awake during the day, but not that upset. Filling nappies still produces screams - I am trying to be very conscious in what I am eating now and have read further on things to avoid eating while breastfeeding.

The child and maternal health nurse further supported that we should hold off between feeds for at least 3 hours as feeding more often would contribute to his upset stomach. Pushing new food into his stomach while he is still processing previous food. So it feels like we are on the right track. So that is also helping him calm down I think. Anyway we are all feeling much happier now as a result of all this.

Posted by Al at 12:38 PM

We picked up a new camera on the weekend - a Canon EOS 350D. Had read some good reviews, and saw the photo's our friends Justin and Melina were able to take with theirs. Plus it will work with the lens we have for our Canon EOS 50e film SLR. Very happy with purchase...

 

Posted by Doug at 10:10 PM

(Email to Jude.) Another 6 hours again last night - 3 nights in a row. Of course we can't take anything for granted and expect that this will now stick, but it has been a good pattern over the past few days, and has helped me get much more rest. He was an angel again for my mum and sister visiting - he has been an angel for all visitors thus far, touch wood. (Thank goodness, as it wouldn't be fun dealing with a screaming fit in front of others, although I'm sure it will happen sooner or later.)

On Wednesday he was a bit grisly on and off and wanting to be held a lot, but generally we had a good day together. He was excellent all day yesterday, then had an unsettled period just leading up to the 6 hour sleep (so maybe that helped tire himself out enough). So it is all still just taking one day at a time, but I am feeling so much more on top of it all again.

Posted by Al at 10:45 AM

Most of Jack's Days are really good, but we seem to alternate between a good night followed by a bad one. Last night was a bad one. Jack seems to get unsettled very easily at night, and once he is crying he can go on for hours. We are trying different things and adjusting our routine with some success. For example, Al tries to change his nappy when swapping from one breast to the other, so that when he finishes the second side she can burp him and put him to bed straight away, making him more likely to fall asleep. Once he gets into an over tired state however, if holding / rocking him gets no where, all we seem to be able to do is ensure he's been fed, his happy is dry, he is wrapped up and warm, and then let him cry for a couple hours until his next feed. It is not easy on the parents, but it seems to encourage him to fall asleep straight after it. Feeding him every hour (as Al has tried on occasion) seems to just prolong his crying period.

Posted by Doug at 8:26 AM

We have noticed that his movements have become a little more coordinated - in particular when upset and crying. During such times he seems to have an uncanny ability to scratch people, knock over toys, and throw things like his dummy. Personally I would have preferred him to be turning objects over in his hands to regard and view them calmly and with interest...

Posted by Doug at 12:03 PM