Jack hasn’t had Ice cream or played on his Mum’s computer all month - since we started banning them if he didn’t go to the toilet.

On Easter Monday we started putting Jack in underwear during the day. For the first 6 days he soiled or wet himself up to 3 times a day, and never once initiated going to the toilet. Some of the cleanups were disgusting – but Jack did not seem to mind that much. In fact, most of the time we knew he hadn’t just had an accident because of how he behaved before and afterwards.

We did have some small steps forward. Jack has previously held off doing anything on the toilet – but early in the week he managed to do the occasional wee. Towards the end of the week he managed his first poo. Each small milestone however was diminished by how much he fought not to go to the toilet beforehand, and was seemingly immediately followed by him doing something in his underwear (on one occasion within 15 minutes).

Today he wet his pants once – but then managed without prompting from us, to take himself to the toilet twice to poo.

Sadly this doesn’t mean Jack has turned a corner, or that this long saga is nearing an end. I’m not sure he has made that decision to really try yet – I suspect he might have made the effort today for a couple of the rewards he knew were waiting for him. Still – at least we know he can do it.

After the last Maternal Health Nurse visit Al made several changes to her routine with Grace. She took Soy out of her diet; she increased frequency and volume of feeding, and she has kept at the process of putting Grace down in her cot.

This has seen some improvement. Grace now tends to sleep once or twice for a reasonable period of time over the day, saving Al from having to carry her. This has however come at a cost – that being a fair amount of stress.

Sometimes Grace goes straight down. Sometimes she screams, but if Al resettles her every 4 to 5 minutes, she finally goes to sleep. Sometimes no matter how many times you try to resettle, she won’t sleep. Sometimes she sleeps for 10 minutes then can’t be re-settled. Sometimes she might sleep for 4 hours. You never know, and you can’t make any assumptions.

For the most part Grace doesn’t get the sort of distraught crying Jack used to give us, where he would quickly become inconsolable. For her it seems to be anger that ramps up quickly to pure rage. She is so forceful - and puts every ounce of her being into it. She still turns it on or off in the blink of an eye. She will even ramp up just by being walked close to her cot. She knows what you are doing, and she knows she doesn’t want it.

What makes all of this so hard is the fact Grace is still only a very young baby who gets over tired quickly. Then she doesn’t know what she wants – so ends up just screaming, and screaming, and screaming.

I don’t settle Grace all that often – I still don’t have much patience for her screaming. More often I bundle her into the pram and walk her around the streets to give Al a break. Thankfully Grace will generally go quiet as you push her around, although that is not always the case. Sometimes she screams the entire way. More often she screams for the first minute, goes quite, screams every time you stop (waiting to cross a road), and then resumes full screaming the moment you stop back at the front door.

At the moment the good times are a little too few, too short, and too spread apart. At least she is still sleeping and resettling well over night.

We all seemed to have a surprisingly good day - worthy of note.

While Jack had two “accidents” at childcare, he had none at home. He had a longer day than normal in care – 8:45 to 4:30. When I picked him up however he actually looked disappointed, and said that he wasn’t ready to go yet. He had been having fun playing outside with a girl named Miranda.

As we left he said that he had told the room careers that his mum would not be picking him up, since she had to stay at home to take care of Grace. He actually seems ok with this. He then was pretty well behaved for the rest of the evening.

Grace wasn’t frowning as much, was calmer, slept better, and cried less than usual. She even seemed to crack smiles regularly that were not related to gas.

Similarly Al was more relaxed. She managed to prepare the meals, keep the kitchen clean, give Jack his night time bath and bedtime routine, and juggle Grace without getting stressed. She even got some downtime to catch up on her TV shows.

I managed to get a very solid day of work covered off, had some positive interactions with Grace, and was able to watch Top Gear without interruption or resorting to recording it.

All told – probably the best day we have had since Grace was born.

Al also drove for the first time (having been given the ok by the OB last week). She took Grace to get an ultrasound done on her hips, a standard procedure for babies born in the breach position. We get the results next week, but the technician told Al it looked unlikely that the reviewing doctor would find an issue. Grace travelled well, but screamed furiously during the scan. Al took that in her stride.

Jack got all through childcare and the evening at home without messing his underwear, so he got to have Ice Cream after tea and play Batman on Al’s computer.

Grace basically didn’t sleep properly all day, which has left Al exhausted. She seems to have gone down fine now that it is night – so Al quickly followed her to bed. As long she was being held or interacted with, Grace did get through most of the day without too many screaming fits.

Maybe Jack has turned a corner with his toilet training.

He got through yesterday without messing his underwear. On a number of occasions he went to the toilet without prompting from us.

This morning when Al first got up with Grace she was startled to walk past the toilet and find Jack sitting on it. He had taken off his night time nappy (which was dry), and was busy doing wee. He then asked for underwear for the day.

Obviously putting him in underwear and being forceful about it has helped push Jack towards this point. However – I also wonder at the influence of one other little change we made in our approach. We had started to ask Jack to take himself to the toilet, and only accompanied him when he asked or was fighting the process. Once he was on the toilet we would then walk away. Encouraging this extra level of independence seems to have also helped.

We took Jack and Grace to see the baby chiropractor yesterday. It was a stupid decision – taking them together. By the end of it Grace had had enough – so the drive home was horrendous, with her screaming her head off, and the rest of us wishing we were anywhere else but in the car with her.

Jack was good this visit. His neck was still a little out – as it is every time we go. His first few visits made such a tremendous improvement – but since then the adjustments don’t seem to do much aside cost us money. We had already cut the visits back to twice a year – but now we might have to consider taking him to someone else for a second opinion. We do however know the underlying issue does still exist – Jack’s lack of balance is still pretty obvious to see as he traverses obstacles at Gymbaroo.

Grace took the visit rather well – until near the end when she decided the process wasn’t interesting after all, and began vocalising her annoyance. The Doctor found Grace actually has a problem with one shoulder – something he was able to easily demonstrate, and funny enough, something we had already known but not actually pieced together. We have to take her back weekly for a few visits to get the arm and shoulder aligned correctly. Al might have to take her – without Jack and I in the car. Or we can go in separate cars…

For the third day straight Jack didn’t mess in his underwear. Today he took himself to the toilet half a dozen times without prompting, dropping whatever he was doing and suddenly rushing off. He is actually making a real effort. I can’t tell you how pleased Al and I are.

Since I have been taking Jack to all his activities the last couple months, I should also make note on a couple other milestones. Today at Gymbaroo Jack did his very first forward roll all by himself. He has also (with some prompting) mastered some of the equipment that he has previously resisted using. There really is a balance with Jack – giving him room, but also pushing him hard enough to try things he might never get around to otherwise.

Jack also had a good first swimming class of the term. He is floating on his back really well, and after some panicky weeks seems to have picked up dog paddle with a lot more confidence. He is also putting his head below the water and holding it there trying to pick up things off the bottom of the pool. His jumping in from the side and his treading water however need some work.

I forgot to mention. This morning Jack took himself to the toilet again before we had gotten up. Because he had to remove his night nappy, he then went and grabbed a pull up nappy from the nursery and put that on. Good on the little guy.

Today was also another hard for Al. After a relatively good morning, Grace didn't do more than nap for short periods between 11am and 9pm. Al was exhausted by the end of it.

Slowy we are starting to see expressions from Grace that don't just involve frowning.

Jack is rather enthused to hold Grace - for short periods of time.

We are into day five, and still no accidents with Jack in his underwear. (With the exception of a misdirected wee while sitting on the toilet this morning, which as we explained to a teary Jack, doesn’t count.) We have cut back on asking him if he needs to go, and stopped forcing him to. So far, at home, we have been able to trust him. We are still putting him in a night time nappy just before he goes to sleep – but only until we all get more confident with the day time routine.

We all seem to have colds at the moment. This means Jack is extra teary and complaining more than usual, Al and I are more grumpy than usual, and Grace is harder to settle and prone to more crying. It is not constant, but there have been too many stressed and harsh tones in everyone’s voices. The household is not a particularly pleasant place to be.

Jack has to spend a lot more time by himself now. In the past we couldn’t leave him for 30 seconds without him coming to look for one of us. Now Al will disappear for 30 minutes trying to calm Grace, and Jack will just continue doing what he was doing. I think it helps that he prefers Grace being at the opposite end of the house when she is screaming. I do too.

Al is still struggling with the impact this is all having on Jack. She worries so much about the lack of uninterrupted and quality time she is getting with him that it impacts on the time she does get. Very much like Jack was, Grace is extremely demanding and draining on Al, which makes it impossible for Al to support Jack like she wants to.

Further, while Jack still has his childcare days and activities, he has lost out on visiting play centers, parks, and even just general family outings since Grace arrived. We are just unable to take Grace out at the moment – we can’t rely on her sleeping, being ok in the car, or being able to settle her once she does start screaming. (As a consequence of this - Al is suffering a dose of cabin fever.)

Having a sister is going to cost Jack in many ways over the years. I am thankful though that it has also been good for him so far. It has forced some independence on him – which he has sorely needed, having to share his mum will be a good thing, and I even think it has reinforced the concept of family with him. His childcare workers have all remarked on how positive and enthusiastic he is when he talks about Grace.

Grace is a little more engaging now – she has some obvious favourite things she enjoys, and can spend short periods playing. Just as she seems to be endearing however, her face screws up and she screams. I hope this starts to improve – I hope she becomes less demanding, more relaxed, even a little happier. Even though we generally have coped, I have not found these last 7 weeks to be particularly enjoyable.

Jack is onto his 7th day in underwear without an accident. He gets a reward at bath time tonight if he stays dry. The difference is amazing now that he has made the decision to try. He has even been insisting on wear underwear out to his activities and appointments – which although I’ve had some trepidation, hasn’t resulted in any accidents.

Al has taken Grace out to several appointments over the last week, which have gone well. Grace doesn’t seem to mind the car, although the moment she decides she wants to be elsewhere anyone within 500 meters knows about it.

While the house never really got into a state of total disaster, the day to day cleaning and routines were obviously knocked around by Grace’s arrival. I’ve noticed now however that we seem to be back towards the pre-Grace days. The kitchen is often cleared of dishes after each meal, the shopping lists are back to being relatively short, the dirty (and washed) clothes are not piling up quite as high. I am also not finding it as difficult or as stressful now to cover my work hours each week, so we do seem to be getting into more of a pattern.

In reality, and ignore the fact I can hear Grace screaming in the background right now, we are coping reasonably well 90% of the time. It is the last 10% which is not so good. Both of our workloads have increased, we are constantly busy and juggling, and we are obviously stressed. Even when things are going well, we are on edge. As such when things don’t go to plan we are more prone to overreacting.

I don’t think either Al or I would win contests at the moment for friendly personality of the year. By the end of the day I am usually tired, grumpy and complaining. (If not verbally, you can see it clearly on my face.) When Al is having a hard time she is rather irritable and short, with the occasional dose of spite thrown in.

We are also not really focused much on the journey we are going through. It seems like we are just concentrating on each new hurdle in front of us, and as we surpass them, we just focus (and stress) over the next one. We are not reflecting much on each achievement, or allowing ourselves to enjoy them. I think we are in the mindset that these first few months are going to be difficult, and we are just looking towards when they will be over.

Oops - I just realised we have been counting wrong. By the end of today it will have been the 8th day he has kept his underwear clean and dry! He should have got his reward yesterday.