Our hope about Jack’s toilet use on April fool’s day was misplaced – the only effort he has made since has been to fight all attempts to get him to use the toilet. It is driving us crazy.

We waited for more than a year for him to show interest without luck, and then offered him encouragement, and then offered rewards (bribes) – all the while being as positive as we could. Now we have restored to exactly what the books tell us not too – punishment. We have had enough of his tantrums, lying, lack of progress, and his sanctimonious smiles when he has filled his nappy before we get him to the toilet. So now after he soils his nappy we are banning him from playing on the computer, or having ice cream after tea, or playing before bedtime.

And since we don’t think that is going to do much – we expect after Easter that we will start putting him in underwear and dealing with the constant washing and mess, in the hope the sheer discomfort prompts him to at least try.

Grace had another Maternal Health Nurse visit today – where she regaled everyone with one of her full on screaming sessions. At least it gave the nurse an indication of what we had been talking about.

Grace’s nights have been good and getting better. She has settled into a pattern of feed / sleep / feed / sleep – with the gaps between feeds getting longer. Her days on the other hand seem to be getting worse.

During the day she insists on being carried and walked around. The moment she is put down, scream. Al stops moving, scream. Take too long to feed her, scream. Take too long on the change table, scream. Not sure what she wants? Scream.

She does have some quiet time, but it just doesn’t seem to be particularly long. A few minutes here and there of quietly looking around before, bang, she is screaming again.

To be honest it is driving me crazy. The tone, the forcefulness, the utterly pointless stupidity of much of it. She can be lying there screaming like there is no tomorrow. You pick her up and the screaming instantly stops. She looks around calmly, decides this isn’t want she wanted, and the screaming instantly starts up again. You can’t be screaming like the worst thing in the world is happening to you, stop in an instant and look around calmly as if you don’t have a care in the world, then slam back into screaming again. It makes no sense to my male mind.

The solution so far has been for Al to carry her around all day, but this is very hard on Al and Jack. Today we started with putting her down in her cot, letting her cry for a few minutes, checking on her / rewrapping, letting her cry for a few minutes, patting her, letting her cry for a few minutes… and on four occasions she ended up putting herself to sleep after 4 or 5 cycles. The sleep lasted for between 15 minutes and several hours – and gave us a tiny glimmer of hope.

Grace will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. In some ways it feels like she has been with us much longer. It's amazing how quickly the pregnancy recedes from your mind as the 24/7 work of looking after a newborn consumes every thought. It's hard to now remember every detail of these first 6 weeks but here are my overall impressions.

We were thankful to have Doug's mum staying with us the first couple of weeks (the first few days of her stay was while I was in hospital). Between her and Doug it meant all the meals, dishes and housework were being taken care of, and I could just focus on looking after one child at a time, as well as my continued recovery from the caesarian. I also found myself more prone to swinging emotions in the first couple weeks (a common thing after birth) than I remember experiencing with Jack. I thought I would feel more prepared for the demands of a newborn, and the night feeds second time around (particularly given I had been dealing with Jack's night time waking since birth), but I still found the reality packed a solid punch. It didn't help that on the first weekend Grace appeared to have a stomach bug, then I picked it up from her for several days. Not able to eat proper food for several days left me feeling even more tired and emotional.

Concerned that Grace may have similar allergies to Jack, I have immediately taken out any things out of my diet that we remember affected Jack (including dairy, broccoli, corn, beans, and citrus fruits). The health nurse who did the home visit suggested that I try just feeding one side each feed, given she suggested the 'foremilk' has lactose in it (so if a baby is lactose intolerant that is the part of the milk they will react to, and to ensure she got more of the hind milk). Given I know other people have had their health nurses recommend just feeding one side at a time also and it has worked out well for them, it seemed like a reasonable suggestion. Given this I would keep offering the same side over and over, until she turned her head away or cried. If she cried I would sometimes offer the second side also - sometimes she would take, sometimes refuse, or sometimes just take a tiny bit before crying and not seeming to want more (this made me think she didn't want more and stop feeding, and concerned me that it was the foremilk upsetting her tummy).

Grace quickly picked up that nights were for feeding and sleeping (either falling asleep immediately, or being able to be put down awake, and self settle) which was a relief. She regularly has a sleep between 5-8 hours overnight. However she quickly became difficult to settle during the day. Similar to Jack, it didn't matter if we walked holding her for 5 or 50 minutes, the minute she was put down she would instantly wake or only last 5-10 minutes before waking and crying. Further, she settled much more with me holding her than if Doug or his mum tried to hold her (which made it hard for me to take a break to catch up on sleep or spend time with Jack, knowing she was screaming for me in another room with Doug or his mum). She was often only settling down for one good day sleep in her pram or cradle, and the rest of the time found me having to hold her pacing the room (even sitting down seemed to regularly wake her). This was extremely frustrating. Given all the sleep issues we have experienced with Jack right from when he was a baby we were really wanting to get on top of sleep issues early this time, so it was the one issue I had most feared. I had read up a number of new books leading up to the birth to get more settling ideas and tried them out in the first few weeks although with trying various strategies I was not being consistent. While some techniques helped and gave extra things to try, nothing was entirely successful. She does respond to white noise, so I often start settling her downstairs in front of the washing machine, dryer or dishwasher. We also have the 'sounds of silence' cd (complete with heartbeat sounds, other white noise and classical music) playing non-stop in our bedroom.

We also quickly found Grace going from no crying to full scream which doesn't give time to avert the reason for the crying. She doesn't like having a dirty nappy and instantly cries whenever she does a poo, and will stop feeding and cry any time she dirties the nappy.

At our second health nurse visit, we commented on all these things to the health nurse. Thankfully she took our concerns seriously (suggesting that things didn't seem entirely normal and called it 'colic' - ie excessive crying for unknown reason) and came up with some suggestions to try. I fed in front of her and she suggested I offer the first side twice, then offer the second side, and keep offering it even if she cries. To my surprise at the visit she then took both sides despite crying at end of first side and start of second side. So since then I have continued to feed her both sides. She has however ramped up the nappies (doing on average 2-3 dirty nappies every feed cycle so we are going through about 20 nappies a day or around 150 a week) so we are a bit concerned with how much poo is coming out of her.

She does often still pull off and cry during feeds which does continue to concern me, as it seems she is either uncomfortable or something is hurting her tummy. So I now wonder if I had not been feeding her enough in the first few weeks which may have caused the excessive crying and settling difficulties (given she had been putting on reasonable weight I had actually thought she had been feeding well so came as a shock to realise that I had been misreading her signs). We have also removed soy from my diet (which I had used as a replacement for dairy as I did with Jack - now replaced with rice milk). Given I had previously had soy milk on my morning cereal (and sometimes additional soy cheese and yoghurt during the day) it could explain why she had not been sleeping well during the day if she does have an allergy, and the soy was hitting her first thing in the morning and taking part of the day to get out of my breast milk each day.

Finally she suggested we work more on a consistent settling routine, including putting her down before she is fully tired. I am not sure if one of these things, or the 3 things in combination has been the reason combined with her now accepting the dummy (which she had rejected in most of our early attempts since one week), but since then the settling during the day has definitely improved. I now try to watch her diligently for the first sign of being over-tired, swaddle her and walk her around until her eyes are starting to close but not fully asleep and put her in the cot, with another blanket tightly wrapped around her, her sound of silence music playing, the same lighting each time (dark room with just little bits of light coming in), and pat her and 'shush' her for a couple minutes, then leave the room. Sometimes (rarely) she settles immediately, and other times she will settle if I come in once or twice patting and shushing her and putting the dummy back in her mouth. Other times, I will have to go in numerous times, sometimes have to change her nappy and pick her up for a few minutes then put her down again. In worst times sometimes I have to keep repeating for up to an hour, and sometimes she will only finally go down when it is time for another feed, or miss a sleep cycle entirely. However, the rapid improvement has given us hope (although we barely dare hope we have really turned the corner) and has made everything far less stressful and more manageable. We also have an appointment next week to see the pediatric chiropractor (after our experience with Jack's neck issue which wasn't picked up until 17 months we want to get an early check this time for peace of mind and the health nurse further recommended this from her observations of her crying and given she was breech).

Grace still isn't what we would call an 'easy' or 'placid' baby, but things do seem to have improved. Now that I have more chance of getting her down, and not having to hold her so much while she is sleeping, I can also try to wait until she is sleeping (or in the cot even if I am going up and down every few minutes) to do things like eat, go to the toilet, or do things for Jack rather than while she is awake, as far as possible, rather than having to put her down (even if crying) to do those things previously. It also means I can focus on playing and interacting with her more while she is awake rather than be trying to get things done during this time. As she gets older she is able to have longer awake periods without getting instantly overtired and overwhelmed for being put down for more than 5 minutes as she did in the early days.

Similar to Jack, after 3 weeks of beautiful clear skin, she is now covered in baby acne and rashes easily to her clothes or mine, and wraps. It remains to be seen how long it takes to clear this up (Jack had the acne, rashes, bad cradle cap and scratches on his face from the obviously itchiness of it all until around 5 months). This can all be a further indication of allergy (given we were told it is all in the same family as allergies, and hayfever).

On the positive side, Grace has had good neck control since birth, and getting stronger over time. She is already smiling (she particularly loves Jack's voice and face and regularly smiles at him). She loves watching the mobile above her change table. The health nurse commented that babies often only see the mobile above the change table at the 8 week checkup rather than the 4 week checkup. Grace definitely has the 'Carter frown' and frowns a lot as she looks around the room or as we walk her around but seems to regard everything and take a lot in. From 4 weeks she has been batting at the animal skittle soft toys with her hands. She sometimes can follow a squeaking toy with her eyes. She can cope with a couple minutes of being put on her tummy and tries to hold her neck up (although quickly gets upset at the effort). Although she gets upset at a dirty nappy, she is very calm once up on the change table for the actual nappy change. She loves the bath and is very calm in the water, right from her very first bath at the hospital. From very early her tongue was moving around in her mouth trying to make sounds, and for past couple weeks she has been making cooing noises. She can be very noisy in her cot - grunting and groaning as she moves about. She is very determined and will grunt and groan to get her hands out of the swaddle if she wants them up around her head to sleep. She doesn't always instantly wake up crying in the cot, and can be awake and calm for a while before demanding to be picked up at times. She can sometimes enjoy a few minutes in her rocker looking out at the garden, or in the pram looking out the window, or on walks.

Jack has been amazingly positive around her. His eyes light up as soon as she is awake, and he is instantly wanting to talk to her, hold her, play with her, and interact with her (although this can sometimes cause issues if he inadvertently wakes her up, or if he tries to interact with her at times she is upset). At times when I have been in the kitchen, he gets to her first when she cries in the pram and says 'I'm here Grace' and tries to rock her cradle, or pat her gently or talk to her, to try to stop her crying. He is being very gentle with touching her, and one of the carers at his childcare commented that they have noticed that he has been extra gentle with the other kids at childcare since she arrived (although they also said he is such a gentle kid already - the most gentle kid they have ever met, and have never seen him react in a rough way to any other kid). The childcare workers also commented that he talks about her all the time, and is clearly excited to be a big brother.

Jack was on his best behaviour for his dad and grandparents when I was in hospital (which made it easier for me to relax knowing he was responding well overall to the enforced separation). It would have been unthinkable previously for me to have spent 5 nights away from him. Since then Doug has also taken him to stay with his Grandparents C without me for a night (his first night away from home without me). Doug commented that Jack missed me more than usual, but for the most part coped well with it. Before I went in hospital I was still sitting on the couch outside Jack's room when he went to sleep at night, but since coming home (with his dad not waiting outside his room while I was away), he has accepted me to just say goodnight to him and walk away. Sometimes, particularly if I haven't spent much time with him on a given day, or we haven't connected well (one or both of us having a grumpy day with each other), he gets up a few minutes later and comes looking to cuddle me in our bed (although sometimes I haven't realised he was there and found him there 30-60 minutes later when I return from downstairs). Doug has got up to him a couple times in the middle of the night, and I have had to go in a couple times when he has had nightmares, but by and large even though he would obviously be woken by Grace's loud crying at times at night, he has gone back to sleep himself. He still enjoys coming into our bed in the morning for a morning cuddle. Given all the sleep issues with Jack, I had feared the nights being problematic so it is a huge relief that this issue has resolved itself.

While Jack has been really positive to Grace, he has increased whinging and tantrums (throwing himself down on the ground at times which he hadn't done for a long time) at times since Grace came home. So at times he is expressing his frustrations at Doug and I over the less attention he is getting (especially from me), or that it takes us longer to attend to his needs, or that he has to play by himself more than he was accustomed. He was particularly frustrated when I was having to carry Grace around for much of the day (demanding I put her down to play with him and not being able to understand why I couldn't - or that when I would she would wake up 5-10 minutes later). I have also of course been more stressed with trying to look after him and Grace simultaneously, or been desperate to squeeze a bit of quality time in a short period in between Grace outburts, then disappointed and frustrated if he doesn't respond well during those times. So it is getting a bit easier now that Grace is going down more regularly during the day, as I can then get more quality and quantity time with Jack at times. He still doesn't always understand that when she is crying I have to make her my priority, and can't respond much to him or play with him at those times. He also gets frustrated at times when she has a particularly long, sleepy feed. He mostly enjoys coming to interact with her/help us when she is on the nappy change, or playing on the ground, or having a bath, but other times loses interest quickly or doesn't want to get involved. So it is still all very early days and we are all still adjusting, but slowly things are becoming a little easier as we all get more used to the juggling act. Unfortunately we are still battling the toilet training with him as Doug has documented, so that is additional daily stress for all of us. Jack has also often whinged about eating lunch and dinner so is also a regular battle to get him to finish his meals, which also adds stress to timing of our days. On the whole though, Jack has been far better than we feared, and this is a huge relief.

I have just had my 6 week OB visit this morning and all is well with my recovery and I have been cleared to drive. I have felt a bit stuck at home during this time, although at same time it has made life much easier to be at home to recover, and focus on Grace's cycles rather than have to interrupt her food and sleep cycles more than necessary. Given how loud she is, and the difficulties in settling her during the day, I have also preferred not to get out more than necessary in these early days. It is also hard to fully envisage how I will manage carrying Grace, a bag, and manage Jack when out by myself with them both as yet. I have enjoyed trying to get out for some pram walks on days that Jack is at childcare. It has made life so much easier for me with Doug working from home, so he is on hand when needed (although having to be mindful not to interrupt him more than necessary when he is working). Doug has also taken on all the running around of shopping, and getting Jack to/from childcare and all his activities thus far, as well as taking over Jack at times when I am having a difficult time with settling Grace. It is great that Jack's activities haven't had to be interrupted with Grace's arrival, to keep him on as normal a schedule as possible. We have also had many family and friend visits during these early days so I don't feel isolated. We have taken the opportunity to have my mum or sister down each Wednesday also (when Doug works a full day and Jack is at home) to reduce stress on all of us, and give me extra support. The days Jack is at childcare also give me a chance to catch my breath, catch up on sleep if need be, and have some time to myself. So while it has all been hard work and not an easy first 6 weeks, I do feel thankful to have plenty of support and assistance.

Jack hasn’t had Ice cream or played on his Mum’s computer all month - since we started banning them if he didn’t go to the toilet.

On Easter Monday we started putting Jack in underwear during the day. For the first 6 days he soiled or wet himself up to 3 times a day, and never once initiated going to the toilet. Some of the cleanups were disgusting – but Jack did not seem to mind that much. In fact, most of the time we knew he hadn’t just had an accident because of how he behaved before and afterwards.

We did have some small steps forward. Jack has previously held off doing anything on the toilet – but early in the week he managed to do the occasional wee. Towards the end of the week he managed his first poo. Each small milestone however was diminished by how much he fought not to go to the toilet beforehand, and was seemingly immediately followed by him doing something in his underwear (on one occasion within 15 minutes).

Today he wet his pants once – but then managed without prompting from us, to take himself to the toilet twice to poo.

Sadly this doesn’t mean Jack has turned a corner, or that this long saga is nearing an end. I’m not sure he has made that decision to really try yet – I suspect he might have made the effort today for a couple of the rewards he knew were waiting for him. Still – at least we know he can do it.

After the last Maternal Health Nurse visit Al made several changes to her routine with Grace. She took Soy out of her diet; she increased frequency and volume of feeding, and she has kept at the process of putting Grace down in her cot.

This has seen some improvement. Grace now tends to sleep once or twice for a reasonable period of time over the day, saving Al from having to carry her. This has however come at a cost – that being a fair amount of stress.

Sometimes Grace goes straight down. Sometimes she screams, but if Al resettles her every 4 to 5 minutes, she finally goes to sleep. Sometimes no matter how many times you try to resettle, she won’t sleep. Sometimes she sleeps for 10 minutes then can’t be re-settled. Sometimes she might sleep for 4 hours. You never know, and you can’t make any assumptions.

For the most part Grace doesn’t get the sort of distraught crying Jack used to give us, where he would quickly become inconsolable. For her it seems to be anger that ramps up quickly to pure rage. She is so forceful - and puts every ounce of her being into it. She still turns it on or off in the blink of an eye. She will even ramp up just by being walked close to her cot. She knows what you are doing, and she knows she doesn’t want it.

What makes all of this so hard is the fact Grace is still only a very young baby who gets over tired quickly. Then she doesn’t know what she wants – so ends up just screaming, and screaming, and screaming.

I don’t settle Grace all that often – I still don’t have much patience for her screaming. More often I bundle her into the pram and walk her around the streets to give Al a break. Thankfully Grace will generally go quiet as you push her around, although that is not always the case. Sometimes she screams the entire way. More often she screams for the first minute, goes quite, screams every time you stop (waiting to cross a road), and then resumes full screaming the moment you stop back at the front door.

At the moment the good times are a little too few, too short, and too spread apart. At least she is still sleeping and resettling well over night.

We all seemed to have a surprisingly good day - worthy of note.

While Jack had two “accidents” at childcare, he had none at home. He had a longer day than normal in care – 8:45 to 4:30. When I picked him up however he actually looked disappointed, and said that he wasn’t ready to go yet. He had been having fun playing outside with a girl named Miranda.

As we left he said that he had told the room careers that his mum would not be picking him up, since she had to stay at home to take care of Grace. He actually seems ok with this. He then was pretty well behaved for the rest of the evening.

Grace wasn’t frowning as much, was calmer, slept better, and cried less than usual. She even seemed to crack smiles regularly that were not related to gas.

Similarly Al was more relaxed. She managed to prepare the meals, keep the kitchen clean, give Jack his night time bath and bedtime routine, and juggle Grace without getting stressed. She even got some downtime to catch up on her TV shows.

I managed to get a very solid day of work covered off, had some positive interactions with Grace, and was able to watch Top Gear without interruption or resorting to recording it.

All told – probably the best day we have had since Grace was born.

Al also drove for the first time (having been given the ok by the OB last week). She took Grace to get an ultrasound done on her hips, a standard procedure for babies born in the breach position. We get the results next week, but the technician told Al it looked unlikely that the reviewing doctor would find an issue. Grace travelled well, but screamed furiously during the scan. Al took that in her stride.

Jack got all through childcare and the evening at home without messing his underwear, so he got to have Ice Cream after tea and play Batman on Al’s computer.

Grace basically didn’t sleep properly all day, which has left Al exhausted. She seems to have gone down fine now that it is night – so Al quickly followed her to bed. As long she was being held or interacted with, Grace did get through most of the day without too many screaming fits.

Maybe Jack has turned a corner with his toilet training.

He got through yesterday without messing his underwear. On a number of occasions he went to the toilet without prompting from us.

This morning when Al first got up with Grace she was startled to walk past the toilet and find Jack sitting on it. He had taken off his night time nappy (which was dry), and was busy doing wee. He then asked for underwear for the day.

Obviously putting him in underwear and being forceful about it has helped push Jack towards this point. However – I also wonder at the influence of one other little change we made in our approach. We had started to ask Jack to take himself to the toilet, and only accompanied him when he asked or was fighting the process. Once he was on the toilet we would then walk away. Encouraging this extra level of independence seems to have also helped.

We took Jack and Grace to see the baby chiropractor yesterday. It was a stupid decision – taking them together. By the end of it Grace had had enough – so the drive home was horrendous, with her screaming her head off, and the rest of us wishing we were anywhere else but in the car with her.

Jack was good this visit. His neck was still a little out – as it is every time we go. His first few visits made such a tremendous improvement – but since then the adjustments don’t seem to do much aside cost us money. We had already cut the visits back to twice a year – but now we might have to consider taking him to someone else for a second opinion. We do however know the underlying issue does still exist – Jack’s lack of balance is still pretty obvious to see as he traverses obstacles at Gymbaroo.

Grace took the visit rather well – until near the end when she decided the process wasn’t interesting after all, and began vocalising her annoyance. The Doctor found Grace actually has a problem with one shoulder – something he was able to easily demonstrate, and funny enough, something we had already known but not actually pieced together. We have to take her back weekly for a few visits to get the arm and shoulder aligned correctly. Al might have to take her – without Jack and I in the car. Or we can go in separate cars…

For the third day straight Jack didn’t mess in his underwear. Today he took himself to the toilet half a dozen times without prompting, dropping whatever he was doing and suddenly rushing off. He is actually making a real effort. I can’t tell you how pleased Al and I are.

Since I have been taking Jack to all his activities the last couple months, I should also make note on a couple other milestones. Today at Gymbaroo Jack did his very first forward roll all by himself. He has also (with some prompting) mastered some of the equipment that he has previously resisted using. There really is a balance with Jack – giving him room, but also pushing him hard enough to try things he might never get around to otherwise.

Jack also had a good first swimming class of the term. He is floating on his back really well, and after some panicky weeks seems to have picked up dog paddle with a lot more confidence. He is also putting his head below the water and holding it there trying to pick up things off the bottom of the pool. His jumping in from the side and his treading water however need some work.

I forgot to mention. This morning Jack took himself to the toilet again before we had gotten up. Because he had to remove his night nappy, he then went and grabbed a pull up nappy from the nursery and put that on. Good on the little guy.

Today was also another hard for Al. After a relatively good morning, Grace didn't do more than nap for short periods between 11am and 9pm. Al was exhausted by the end of it.

Slowy we are starting to see expressions from Grace that don't just involve frowning.

Jack is rather enthused to hold Grace - for short periods of time.

We are into day five, and still no accidents with Jack in his underwear. (With the exception of a misdirected wee while sitting on the toilet this morning, which as we explained to a teary Jack, doesn’t count.) We have cut back on asking him if he needs to go, and stopped forcing him to. So far, at home, we have been able to trust him. We are still putting him in a night time nappy just before he goes to sleep – but only until we all get more confident with the day time routine.

We all seem to have colds at the moment. This means Jack is extra teary and complaining more than usual, Al and I are more grumpy than usual, and Grace is harder to settle and prone to more crying. It is not constant, but there have been too many stressed and harsh tones in everyone’s voices. The household is not a particularly pleasant place to be.

Jack has to spend a lot more time by himself now. In the past we couldn’t leave him for 30 seconds without him coming to look for one of us. Now Al will disappear for 30 minutes trying to calm Grace, and Jack will just continue doing what he was doing. I think it helps that he prefers Grace being at the opposite end of the house when she is screaming. I do too.

Al is still struggling with the impact this is all having on Jack. She worries so much about the lack of uninterrupted and quality time she is getting with him that it impacts on the time she does get. Very much like Jack was, Grace is extremely demanding and draining on Al, which makes it impossible for Al to support Jack like she wants to.

Further, while Jack still has his childcare days and activities, he has lost out on visiting play centers, parks, and even just general family outings since Grace arrived. We are just unable to take Grace out at the moment – we can’t rely on her sleeping, being ok in the car, or being able to settle her once she does start screaming. (As a consequence of this - Al is suffering a dose of cabin fever.)

Having a sister is going to cost Jack in many ways over the years. I am thankful though that it has also been good for him so far. It has forced some independence on him – which he has sorely needed, having to share his mum will be a good thing, and I even think it has reinforced the concept of family with him. His childcare workers have all remarked on how positive and enthusiastic he is when he talks about Grace.

Grace is a little more engaging now – she has some obvious favourite things she enjoys, and can spend short periods playing. Just as she seems to be endearing however, her face screws up and she screams. I hope this starts to improve – I hope she becomes less demanding, more relaxed, even a little happier. Even though we generally have coped, I have not found these last 7 weeks to be particularly enjoyable.

Jack is onto his 7th day in underwear without an accident. He gets a reward at bath time tonight if he stays dry. The difference is amazing now that he has made the decision to try. He has even been insisting on wear underwear out to his activities and appointments – which although I’ve had some trepidation, hasn’t resulted in any accidents.

Al has taken Grace out to several appointments over the last week, which have gone well. Grace doesn’t seem to mind the car, although the moment she decides she wants to be elsewhere anyone within 500 meters knows about it.

While the house never really got into a state of total disaster, the day to day cleaning and routines were obviously knocked around by Grace’s arrival. I’ve noticed now however that we seem to be back towards the pre-Grace days. The kitchen is often cleared of dishes after each meal, the shopping lists are back to being relatively short, the dirty (and washed) clothes are not piling up quite as high. I am also not finding it as difficult or as stressful now to cover my work hours each week, so we do seem to be getting into more of a pattern.

In reality, and ignore the fact I can hear Grace screaming in the background right now, we are coping reasonably well 90% of the time. It is the last 10% which is not so good. Both of our workloads have increased, we are constantly busy and juggling, and we are obviously stressed. Even when things are going well, we are on edge. As such when things don’t go to plan we are more prone to overreacting.

I don’t think either Al or I would win contests at the moment for friendly personality of the year. By the end of the day I am usually tired, grumpy and complaining. (If not verbally, you can see it clearly on my face.) When Al is having a hard time she is rather irritable and short, with the occasional dose of spite thrown in.

We are also not really focused much on the journey we are going through. It seems like we are just concentrating on each new hurdle in front of us, and as we surpass them, we just focus (and stress) over the next one. We are not reflecting much on each achievement, or allowing ourselves to enjoy them. I think we are in the mindset that these first few months are going to be difficult, and we are just looking towards when they will be over.

Oops - I just realised we have been counting wrong. By the end of today it will have been the 8th day he has kept his underwear clean and dry! He should have got his reward yesterday.