I’ve had a frazzling couple of weeks. I seemed to either being running at a thousand miles an hour, or sitting around in a daze getting nothing done – not even succeeding at the simple act of resting.

On the odd front, I’ve had my mobility impaired since the 31st. I was startled awake in the middle of the night by something painfully biting my foot. (Think a bee sting or a Bull Ant bite, multiplied by four, and lasting for 20 odd seconds.) My involuntary swearing woke up Al, who I explained the situation to in a mumbling voice before promptly falling back to sleep.

On the 1st I felt unwell and queasy in the stomach, and the bite area on the side of my foot blistered up. (There were actually blisters on blisters.) It was uncomfortable to walk.

On the 2nd the blisters all joined together into one wound. I had a fever over much of the day, but particularly bad over one 6-hour stretch.

By the 3rd the wound had turned into a weeping ulcer. I worked from home, but was otherwise feeling better.

It was around the 4th that Al make the connection to the bite - which I had forgotten about.

By the 5th it was extremely painful to stand on. (The best way to describe it was like having leg hair ripped up by a bandaid every time you took a step.) I went to the doctor, who prescribed antibiotics and took a swab.

It has only been in the last 36 hours that the wound has started to improve, and I have been able to walk freer. At my return doctors appointment today he said the tests showed the infection is of a type that should respond well the antibiotics I am on, and to take a double course. He couldn’t say what caused it – if it was whatever bit me, or something unrelated.

All told, odd.

Al’s second week of work wasn’t as smooth as the first. Jack’s on again, off again cold was back, so he wasn’t feeling so inclined to be flexible and accommodating. The remote connection to Al’s work was also frequently unavailable at the times she could work, so it all just added some stress to the week. Maybe because I was feeling unwell and sorry for myself, but I certainly noticed Al was unavailable a lot more. (She makes an effort, but taking 24+ hours out of her schedule each week will obviously be noticeable). Thank goodness we have been able to stage the introduction of this whole process at a slow place.

Last of all - Jack. He has been extra vocal over the last couple weeks. It is mostly repeating all of his older noises – but he has started to make MmmmMa sounds. I hope he comes out with Mum soon. (Even though I know that would quickly replace Dad as his favourite word.)

Ok, time to check the state of the last load of washing, then go to bed.

Posted by Doug at 11:05 PM

We went to Beechworth over the Easter break. I don’t usually holiday at Easter, finding the crowded roads and locations less than relaxing. This year however we were catching up with old friends.

This was the first time we have taken Jack away on a holiday.

. I spent multiple hours packing and unpacking the car (at both ends of the trip). Even with the subwoofer enclosure removed, the boot was consumed entirely by the pram, portacot, box of toys, and bags of baby clothes, food and nappy paraphernalia. Al and I shared a single bag – which was relegated to the back seat with my camera and laptop.

. Travel times were dictated by Jack’s sleeping patterns. With a touch of luck and good management, we covered some 8 hours of driving with Jack either sleeping or remaining happy almost the entire time. He tended to wake up whenever we slowed or stopped, would look over his shoulder to make sure I was still in the drivers seat, and then put himself back to sleep once we sped up again.

. We dropped in for a few hours with my parents on the trip up and then again on the way back. Jack really seemed to recognise their house.

. Our on again, off again cold returned within hours of arrival. We all felt rather average, with Jack in particular being more antsy and unsettled than usual.

. Again we were thankful for Jack’s situational awareness and patience – as long as it seemed as though we were at least moving.

. Jack knew he wasn’t at home. While he played and slept during the day, he was harder to settle at night. It took two hours to get him to sleep on the second night, the first time we have had that sort of trouble for a long time. He woke frequently upset, and slept several hours less than normal.

. Aside the couple we were sharing the holiday house with, we did not get to spend much time with the friends. This was primarily caused by child related schedules.

. I didn't get the chance to take a single photo.

. Jack was visibly happy to be home, and slept 12 hours on the first night back.

While overall I guess the trip went as well as could be expected, it certainly wasn’t relaxing. Jack was harder work than normal. I’m not really talking about his cold, or the fact he knew he was in a different location. It was more simply that we did not have the full resources available that we have set up at home - like multiple play areas and over stocked baby supplies. I came away thinking less about our successes, and more about how horrendous things could be if they hadn’t gone quite so well.

It was a little reminder about just how much our lives have changed!

Posted by Doug at 10:26 PM

I forgot to say - Jack has started to say Mum. It is not easy for him to get his mouth around, and is more of a Mmmumb, but it is definately directed at her.

Posted by Doug at 10:32 PM

Al sent a short email this week, suggesting she would delay Jack starting a second day in Childcare. This prompted a not so short chain of correspondence that grew rather terse.

Al indicates she wants to spend the maximum amount of time with Jack, that friends suggest 9 months is the hardest age to be in childcare, that it will save money, and that she feels bad enough with Jack being unhappy in childcare one day in seven without adding to it.

I indicate this is the third time she has back pedalled on an agreed schedule, that I think we are making things worse for Jack by dragging out his introduction to childcare so slowly, that the money is already budgeted for (and the placement pencilled in), and that she needs the extra flexibility and time to cover her work commitments and to have some down time.

It doesn’t matter what arguments either of us use, the problem is we have no way of knowing what will be the best approach for Jack. Will he settle into childcare quicker, or will he just be twice as miserable? Will Al be able to use the time productively, or will she just be pining for Jack?

The question in itself however wasn’t what stood out for me the most.

Jack going into childcare for a second day will likely make life easier for me. The less time Al has to spend after hours and on weekends catching up on her work, the less I have to baby sit, and the more she will be available to both Jack and I. Al brought up the “you are only thinking of yourself” selfish card in her argument. I respond with the idea that quality of life for Jack is improved when his parents are not over worked and over stressed. How far do you take the statement “whatever is best for Jack”? There are dangers with following that creed, and there are dangers with ignoring it. Where should a “good” parent sit in that equation?

The other thing that stood out was the process of two parents making decisions about their child. By telling me what the new schedule would be, I was put offside when Al disregarded a decision we had already made together. This issue aside, what happens if parents can’t agree on things like this? What happens when one parent does something against the wishes of the other?

In the grand scheme of things the world doesn’t care if Jack goes to childcare two days in May, or waits until July to go too two or three days then. We will come to some decision (that Al will want to change again), and in the long run Jack won’t remember and won’t have any lasting effects from whatever path we take. It did however leave me reflecting upon parenting decisions and selfishness.

(Oh, if you are wondering about how late this post is? I made the mistake of having an afternoon nap, and as a consequence I am wide-awake now.)

Posted by Doug at 12:25 AM

Playing with a toy from his Grandma Q.

 

Jack uses the string to pull and swing the dog around, and is quite taken with the toy. We were surprised by how right from the start he went for the string.

Posted by Doug at 10:26 AM

Jack has started saying 'mum' in the past couple weeks. He started it more when he was upset, but he now can repeatedly say it when he is happy. He often uses it to call to me when he is in his portacot or downstairs play area, and I am in the kitchen. Jack was on the verge of falling asleep for Doug a few times the other day – he then kept waking himself up and saying 'mum'?

He knows what he wants at times and enjoys being able to verbalise it. At other times, it is just a noise to him, along with his other collection of sounds. Words can't describe how special it is to hear your son call you 'mum' for the first time.

Shopping this weekend has provided Jack with some new toys. A soft toy hammer (that he is more interested in sucking on than hitting with), a wooden clinker (which he is still working out how to produce sounds out of), a ball with a toy within it that he is loving to roll around, and cubes that hold toys within them, that he enjoys rattling. We also got a large number of small mats that connect to each other, each with a number or letter within it. They have been put together and placed in his downstairs play area. They are softer for Jack to sit and crawl around on. He also enjoys sucking on them (and idea we picked up from friends on our Easter trip away).

We certainly do more shopping for Jack that ourselves these days! I still get a real kick out of watching his eyes light up at new toys, his concentration as he sucks on them and turns them all around, his delight when he works out how to get it working, and the shared joy when he smiles up at you to see that you are also excited by it.

Doug came along to his Gymbaroo class this week. It has been good for Doug to see Jack in the different environments, interacting with other children and different toys, equipment and activities.

Posted by Al at 7:30 PM

I was chatting to two girls at work today about the merits of front and top load washing machines. (As you do.) The girl looking to buy was recently married. The second girl (with two children) and myself were giving her the low down on what was important when buying a “family” washing machine. There was a good 10 minutes of detailed and interesting discussion in that topic. How life changes after you have children.

In another discussion it was noted that people said negative things about raising children more often than positive. Most parents say it is definitely worth it - while regaling you with reasons that would suggest otherwise to the uninitiated. That got me thinking - what were my three top things about having a child that made it all worth while?

. Getting to watch them play, explore and develop

. Watching them sleep while blissfully snuggled into someone

. Coming home from work and seeing the excitement, happiness, and love on their face as you come in through the door

Posted by Doug at 5:03 PM

I finally sat down on the weekend and did some forecast budgeting - looking at different scenarios and the feasibility of putting multiple children through private school. It was a useful exercise, and showed (as we expected) that it was plausible. It also showed (as expected) that it would require sacrifice.

While we will now put in applications for Jack to join at the start of his school life, we are focusing more on middle school (which is Grade 5). Al has asked the two schools what is the best way for us to do that.

Seeing the budget figures in black and white was a touch of reality for Al and I. It was a much clearer realisation on what it will cost – and that is over a decade where our more expensive goals, investments and aspirations will be put on hold for the education of our children. It is actually frightening. We both feel however that it will give Jack (and whomever may follow) a better chance at finding out what they want from life, and how they might get it.

Posted by Doug at 8:40 PM

We had a bit of a shock today, which threw both Al and I. It served as a reminder that few plans relating to raising a child are set in stone.

Back when Jack was about minus five months old, we looked around for childcare options. He is currently attending our second choice centre once a week. We are pretty happy with them – they show obvious interest and affection towards Jack, and have been very accommodating with his more difficult behaviours. Last week Al and I were discussing (a polite word that) on when we should move him to two or three days there.

Today our third choice centre called, and Al indicated that we would not be taking up the place we had pencilled in. She then called our first choice centre to see where we were on their waiting list (we were fourth at the end of last year). They called back to say they have an opening on Monday and Tuesdays for Jack if we wanted.

Queue stunned silence.

This was the centre that we were really, really impressed with. Jack has been on the waiting list for 13 months (which is a long time for a place so far out of the city), and we really can’t pass up on the opportunity. So now it looks like Jack will find himself spending 2 days a week in one centre, and 1 day a week in another, much earlier than any of us were thinking, or are fully prepared for.

We will confirm on Wednesday – and check on a prerequisite that they mentioned during the tour, but for which I cannot specifically remember the details of. (I think they mentioned that they had to be toilet trained by a certain age, and (I have a nagging fear,) that they must be able to get themselves off to sleep if put down in a cot. That last one could be a big problem. I’m almost hoping it excludes us taking up the opening - just so we can take things slower!

Al is obviously hit hard by the knowledge that will mean she won’t be spending as much time with Jack. She knows this should be of real benefit to him in the long run though, so seems to more accepting of it than I am!

How quickly these things change.

Posted by Doug at 11:09 PM

Yesterday morning I was woken up by a strange pressure against my arm. It was Al. She had noticed me rolling in my sleep and was making sure I did not roll onto Jack. He is not usually still in our bed at that time – generally moving to his nursery (even if mainly in the single bed with his Mum) when he has his night feed. That night he had gone through without one.

During the day Al rang our first choice childcare centre and said we would take the Monday and Tuesday. She asked about prerequisites, in particular for Jack getting himself off to sleep. They said there were none, and that they put the babies to sleep using whatever method the parents used. I wondered if they had a human mattress on staff. The start day hasn’t been confirmed, but will probably be the week after next.

Last night I went to bed at around 12:30. Jack was in a deep blissful sleep, sprawled out beside Al. Thinking on the previous morning, I suggested Al try to transfer him to his cot. Within a few minutes of her leaving I could hear Jack getting cranky. I got up to say bring him back to bed, but thought I should try to get him down myself. Al pointed out it wasn’t really an appropriate time, but I figured at least Al was around if things went pear-shaped.

Jack was ok for 15 odd minutes as I carried him – but he didn’t look close to dropping off, and kept actively looking for his Mum. He then started to get cranky – Dad was only of use when transferring him to his mum, and this transfer was taking far too long.

Mindful that people at Childcare manage to get him down, be it with difficulty, I put him down in his cot. He was extra unhappy with that – and so was Al who went downstairs to express milk. She was uncomfortable having to hear him cry – and snapped at me a number of times. I remembered a documentary I saw where a mother big cat in a zoo was prowling up and down as vets checked the health of her cubs. She was unhappy and ready to bite. That was Al.

I tried to wrap Jack up tight, but he was moving, twisting and kicking too hard. In the end I left him in his cot and went outside the room to listen to his crying. I’d been told it was important to read his crying and respond appropriately. He cried for short bursts, paused to listen, then would start again. The cries / squeals alternated between “I’m not happy” and “What are you doing to me”. I went in and checked on him a couple times, but that tended to make him worse. After a while his cries changed to anger – kicking the side of the bed and stamping his feet. Al returned and snapped at me some more, then went to bed. Jack’s cries then changed to the start of his more distressed cry, so I picked him up, changed his nappy (which he wasn’t happy about – I feel for Al doing that almost every night), and walked him around until he calmed down. Finally I handed him over to Al in our bed and he went to sleep quickly some time after 2.

Jack certainly shown signs of patience and common sense with his behaviour. While he tends to be instantly demanding, he can just as quickly switch off the cries when he understands he will have to wait a bit. (We quickly learnt not to instantly respond to his normal cries.) With sleeping it is a whole different ball game.

When I woke up this morning Jack was snuggled in against Al. He had gone through his second night without a feed. This time I felt a different sort of pressure – Al’s first comment “I didn’t realise you hated Jack sleeping in our bed so much.”

Posted by Doug at 9:59 AM

The thermostat on our hot water system is faulty. If left unused for 5 or more hours overnight it stops maintaining the water temperature, and subsequently the water slowly cools. This has meant a lot of lukewarm showers first thing in the morning. The repair will cost some $400, and in reality the whole unit might as well be replaced instead.

In the pre Jack days we would have just replaced it. In the post Jack days I shifted my after work shower through to when I go to bed at 11pm. With the greater spread of usage, we have had pretty much constant hot water.

I had lunch with Al today at a Cafe near her work. She pointed out that it was one of the few times in 9 months that we had eaten a meal together without Jack nearby. Meanwhile, Jack got a glowing report card from Childcare today. He ate all his food, drank all his milk, and actually spent a lot of time on the floor playing and making baby noises. We don't know if was a once off, or a sign that he is turning a corner. I hope it is the later.

Posted by Doug at 10:50 PM

We were eating hot chips from our local Chicken Takeaway (which are rather tasty), when we noticed Jack watching closely and mouthing. After cooling some down we gave them to Jack. He seemed to enjoy the taste, and imitating his parents, gummed away on them. Normally when food comes apart in his mouth he gags, spits it out, and refuses to eat it again. This time he preserved and actually swallowed some of the chips he had mashed up in is mouth.

It was the first time he had ever done this.

Posted by Doug at 2:36 PM

Today Jack was babysat by his Grandma Q while Al and I went to see the Lion King. The season opened around the time Jack was due to be born, so we couldn't book tickets. With the season now closing Al organised for us to go see it. It was odd being out and about together without Jack, but we had a good afternoon together. It was made all the better when we got home to find Grandma Q and Jack had also had a good afternoon.

Above Jack is wondering what Mum is doing behind the camera, since that is what Dad normally does.

Posted by Doug at 9:36 PM

After a great deal of research, I picked up two new camera lens today. There were 6 or 7 on my wish list, but I picked these two as they would be the most useful in capturing images of Jack as he grows.

Posted by Doug at 1:46 PM

With the success of the “savoury” chips yesterday, Al tried Jack again with a vegetable based Jar of baby food this afternoon.

Jack looked horrified at the first spoon full and spat it out. He then gave the look above - "Mum - what are you trying to do...?"

Posted by Doug at 11:43 PM