It was around 18 months ago that Al started her (somewhat large) investigations into the Primary School we would send Jack to. At the time we were quite stressed about how Jack would cope at School with his anxieties and lack of resilience.

The benefit of Al’s efforts were that she covered lots of schools that were further afield than the average parent might have contemplated, and it was in fact one of these which we felt was best suited to Jack.

Over the last year or so Jack has really come forwards in leaps and bounds. His experiences in childcare, and all the activities and efforts in sport, reading, writing and mathematics have come together to a point where he is actually confident that he will be able to do anything asked of him at the start of prep. This has made him much less apprehensive.

Jack has always seemed to either ignore the realities of starting school, or put on a level of false bravado. He did however handle it in his own way, and better than we had expected.

There were no tears today when we dropped him off, he didn’t try to cling to us, and while obviously nervous, he wasn’t scared. He sat down to concentrate on a large box of connecting toys when we left him there. As we drove away I couldn’t help but feel this was one of those quietly momentous occasions in our lives.

Jack was relatively happy when we picked him up, although in the drive home in the car he focused on a several incidents with other kids, one where a boy kept pushing him, and when he told him to stop, the boy said no. He had an argument with another kid about rules, and seemed to have a couple awkward moments on top of that. I felt a little flat hearing that – given socialising was always going to be the hardest aspect for Jack getting settled into school. He then melted down at home when he said he hadn’t been able to find his art smock (it was in a side pocket of his bag), and so hadn’t been able to put it in a box as everyone else did.

After food and some quiet time Jack did manage to quickly settle himself, and recounted more positive aspects of his day. He still seems fine about going back tomorrow.

I had to remind myself that – while he didn’t come home with 20 new best friends and a huge grin on his face, in comparison with what we feared 18 months ago, today was brilliant. Hopefully he will settle in over the next week or two and start to relax and enjoy himself. If he does have problems – and socially that is probable, we picked a school which we feel comfortable will work hard to resolve any issues. It might be a bumpy ride at times, but I am really hopeful that in the long run he will have a better primary school experience than I did.

 

Jack & Mum outside his new classroom

He found is name tag, now time for us to go!

Posted by Doug at 10:33 PM

The round trip to drop off Grace at Childcare and Jack at School will be around an hour. If Jack was at our local school, the trip would be much closer to 30 minutes. It is a reminder of the substantial time cost at putting Jack into a school so far away.

There were no tears or complaints from Jack at drop off today. His teacher was waiting at the door, and remarked that Jack sat quietly, concentrated and tried very hard with each of the things they did yesterday - which she said bodes well for how he will go with school. Little does she know the amount of time and effort that was made towards preparing him for that!

I could not imagine how difficult Jack would have found it if he had not been taken to childcare, or had all the opportunities to learn and get comfortable with what will be happening at school.

Posted by Doug at 9:45 AM

Jack was soon on the verge of tears when we picked him up. For this week of half days, they are only eating morning tea. Yesterday they did this over two sittings - so Jack assumed they would be doing the same today. He left half his morning tea, but they never returned to it. By the time we picked him up at 1pm he was absolutely starving. We gave him the rest of his morning tea in the car, and he soon settled and calmed.

He was rather matter of fact about the day, and wasn't focusing on negative aspects like he did yesterday. He is obviously stressing - he is licking his lips, and has a red rash around his mouth now, but that is not surprising. He said he had fun, and doesn't seem phased by the fact he will be returning again on Thursday. (They have Wednesdays off for the first term.)

I still wouldn't classify the other prep parents as being especially friendly - there are a handful of ladies who even seem outright hostile! It has been good to know a couple sets of parents from childcare, and we now have a couple extra sets of parents from the information night and the tea and tears session that make a point of chatting. We will have to keep making a relaxed effort to get to know more of them.

Posted by Doug at 2:05 PM

We had our largest fight yet with Grace tonight. Over the last week or two Grace has won a few battles where she has cried hard upon going to bed, and so been picked up and taken down stairs again. Al has been more focused on Jack and his school, and has not wanted him to be woken up. A couple times Grace has won two rounds in a night – getting back down stairs on a second occasion.

Tonight she simply refused to go to sleep. It did not matter what Al did, patting, holding, rocking or leaving her, she cried furiously. It was obvious we could not let her come downstairs again, so we ended up having to tag team (since individually neither of us would have had the stamina to outlast her).

Grace worked herself up into the most full on, ferocious rage, shaking the hell out of her cot, slamming her legs up and down, and kicking the sides with such force the vibrations could be felt downstairs. In the end she head-butted the side of the cot so hard that she must have almost knocked herself out. She cried furiously but I did not pick her up, just patted her in the cot. It seemed to be the metaphorical slap in the face, for she shook herself out of her rage, sobbed a few times, then rolled over and finally put herself to sleep.

It has left both Al and I shell shocked. We have had so many issues with Jack’s behaviour, but I can’t ever remember quite this level of out of control fury. Neither of us remained as calm as we needed through the entire clash, and so there wasn’t any satisfaction with her finally going to sleep, just regret at not being able to have handled it better.

We think she is teething at the moment (her back molars), which were always Jack’s worst times - so she is already feeling out of sorts. We are in so much trouble if Grace has the stamina for this type of battle for days or weeks on end.

Posted by Doug at 10:34 PM

This afternoon while picking up Grace from Childcare, Al spoke to her carer who had also spent the last few years with Jack. The carer remarked that she had expected to see some similarities between Grace and Jack’s personalities, but was surprised that they were completely different.

She indicated Grace was much more laid back and relaxed. She said you could sit Grace down next to any of the other kids and she would be fine, something many kids of her age don’t handle. She apparently mixes and socialises easily, and is part of an inseparable threesome with Annabel and Alisha.

While we didn’t think Grace was having any issues, it was somewhat of a relief to get that sort of feedback.

(I think it wasn’t until Jack got to about three and a half that he started to mix with other kids.)

Jack was more relaxed and at ease after picking him up from school today. He didn't recount any negatives from the day.

Posted by Doug at 7:10 PM

This morning at school drop off, Jack’s Prep teacher asked if she could speak with Al. Once the kids had filed into the room she pulled Al aside and remarked that Jack was a very smart kid, whose reading was already quite advanced. She said he was a delightful, well behaved kid in class, and that she was really pleased to be teaching him. She also said they were aware of his anxieties, and were working to help him with them. She finished by saying that we had done a lovely job with raising him.

It was nice feedback to hear – more so because the teacher had obviously read the transition statement for Jack, and been really observing him over the past few days, noticing what he was finding easy, and what he was struggling with.

The main reason we chose this particular school was because we felt they would cater for all aspects of Jack – the areas where he might be more advanced, and the areas where he was falling behind his peers. Early days, but it has been nice that some of those key thoughts we had about the school have already surfaced into a reality.

Posted by Doug at 9:48 AM

The first week of school down and Jack seems relatively relaxed at pick up. He is a little reserved in his feedback, but for the most part seems to be enjoying the activities in class and is coping with the big upheaval and change to the routine of his life. His lists of negatives have been surprisingly small – such as the number of dogs around the school at drop off times, and how some kids push each other when lined up. But he hasn’t really been dwelling on these like he can have a tendency to do.

He isn’t jumping with enthusiasm each morning, but he also isn’t fretting. While I am sure he is worried about things, I suspect he is actually stressing less overall than his parents have been. All told, it has been a good first week, and we are both quite proud of him, and how he has handled it.

Posted by Doug at 2:38 PM

Al was organising the kids and pram to head out to the park and supermarket this afternoon. Jack was rocking the pram forwards and backwards when Al was about to put Grace in it. Grace struggled, pointed at Jack, and loudly said “No, No, No, No, No”. She obviously did not want Jack to be in charge of the pram, so Al asked Jack to move away and Grace went into the Pram ok.

Grace’s speech is charging forward. She still has her cute baby babble, but more and more she is using the correct words in the correct context. I’ve also noticed she is understanding relatively complex instructions, although is prone to ignore the more simple ones like “no”.

Posted by Doug at 5:54 PM

The company Al works for tends to offer bonuses at Christmas and special events which can be spent at their staff shop. Over the last decade we have amassed quiet a collection of goods, most of which sit in cupboards and get used once in a blue moon. In recent years we have struggled to find items on which to spend the bonuses on that we did not already have. Yesterday Al spent her Christmas Bonus on $300 worth of kitchen knives – 3 of them to be exact. The staff member said they were the best knives in the world. We were just pleased to have spent the bonus before it expired on something which wouldn’t take up much cupboard space.

Posted by Doug at 9:13 AM

When I picked up Jack on Tuesday afternoon from School he was in a very good mood. This continued yesterday and through to today. When I dropped him off this morning, he wandered into his classroom happily chatting to his teacher, relaxed, and without a glance over his shoulder. He got invited (along with the rest of his class) to a birthday party next week, which pleased him. In passing he also made references over the last couple days to playing and talking with some of the other boys in his class. Whatever level of interaction he is having with the other kids in prep at the moment, it must be enough for him to be happy.

Posted by Doug at 11:15 AM

Jack came out of his class room with a smile on his face, and said that he had had a good day. In the car trip home however, in a matter of fact way, he recounted that he had just played by himself today, and that in class during one particular group activity a number of boys were calling him Poofy Jack, Poo Poo, and remarking that he should have his doodle cut off. The names he mentioned were unfortunately the kids he had been interacting with the most so far.

I could feel my stomach drop.

He seemed to cope with it ok, and just remarked to them that they were teasing and being rude. It might have been nothing, a once off silly session. Or it could be the sign of things to come.

I had to remind myself not to read too much into it – and to realise that even if that sort of thing escalated, we picked this school for their very proactive approach to dealing with such things.

I have really felt out of sorts and – subconsciously stressed, over the last few weeks, worrying about Jack and how it is all going. It has been such a big focus for so long, and now that we are here at this point, we have weeks, months, possibly years before we will fully know how he settles in, and how it all turns out for him.

Posted by Doug at 4:22 PM

The drive to Jack’s school only took 15 minutes this morning – the quickest trip so far. The negative of this was a 30 minute wait for the bell to go.

Jack had an overly big smile on his face and said he wanted to play. This however was just the repetitive action of going down a slide and then walking back up it, over and over. As the playground got busier and more kids were on the equipment, he started to getting in the way. A couple kids made a point of sliding down into Jack as he was climbing up, to which he yelled no at them and glared – to obviously no positive effect. In the end he copped a harder hit, came over to me with his face crumpling, before bursting out into tears.

I pointed out to him that slides are for sliding down, and that if he was getting in the way, it was up to him to stop climbing. What came out of the crying session was the suggestion that generally lunch was too busy and loud, so he would just go up and down the slide the entire time – his little safety area. He had also previously been deliberately rammed then too.

I don’t know if it is just the one or two incidents that he is dwelling on, or if this just related to Tuesday where he obviously hadn’t felt comfortable to join in with anyone else at lunch. What was apparent was that for all Jack’s bravado, he is stressing and worrying about the time in the playground.

We have a get to know you BBQ this evening, and his first school party on the weekend. We might have to make an extra effort to get to know the parents of some of the kids in his class, something we haven’t achieved yet.

Posted by Doug at 9:29 AM

We went to a “Get to know you” BBQ at Jack’s school last night. We did not really end up meeting any new parents, but we did catch up with all the parents we have so far made a connection with. After a slow start, Jack spent the evening playing with one of the kids from his childcare, and the son of one of the parents we get along well with. Unfortunately these kids are not in his class.

We saw the child who has been picking on Jack – and Al actually heard him call out “Poofy Jack”. I observed the same child later deliberate throw another boy hard down onto the ground, causing him to cry. The blank look in the bullies face, and complete lack concern or care about the consequences suggest we won’t be able to just ignore him, and need to work with the school to address the issue.

This morning at school drop off Al witnessed the sort of thing Jack is up against. When they arrived they caught up with the parent of the boy Jack was playing with last night. He was with a couple other kids playing basketball, and the parent and Al encouraged Jack to go join them. He was hesitant, but to his credit did. A minute later he was back crying, because one of the boys had told him that he wasn’t allowed to play.

Al, seeing red, (and highly inappropriately) went and spoke to the boy. The answers she got where what could be expected, that Jack was not in his class, so he did not want to play with him, that it is was his ball, and he could choose who he wanted to play with, that he had lots of friends and did not want any more. Al forced the issue by saying you could not have too many friends, but shortly after Jack rejoined the boy took his ball and left. Hopefully Jack doesn’t suffer any consequences from that.

So basically Jack is making much more of an effort to join in than what I would have at the same age, but through “clicky” groups of kids who already know each other and a handful of outright bullies, is having his confidence knocked hard.

We can’t fight Jack’s battles for him, and you don’t want to be the parents who always cry wolf, but we left a note in his communication book today just asking the Teacher to keep an ear open for when Jack might be bullied in class, to try and constrain things before they escalate. It wouldn’t take much at this point for Jack to go from loving school to hating it – with all the horrible consequences that will have.

Posted by Doug at 10:24 AM

Jack went to his first school birthday party.

It did not go well.

Jack had half a dozen teary sessions during the morning, was very up and down, and quite surly. I had vainly hoped he was just over tired, but in reality he was stressing about the party.

It was at a play centre that he had visited before. We got there and he excited said hello to a number of the other kids he ran into, and with a bit of nudging from Al, went off to play. He came back a number of times to complain about this or that, or ask his mum to go with him. He wasn’t looking that happy.

Just before food was served he came back quite upset – having scared himself going down a big slide. Al managed to distract him with food, but it was obvious he was on the edge, and a crash could be expected.

After lunch someone ran into him on another slide and scrapped an area under his arm. Jack was inconsolable, and complaining about how the (relatively minor) scape was killing him. Again Al managed to get him calm (after a lot of work), and he went back into the play equipment – but this was short lived.

More distraught crying soon followed, and he started demanding to go home.

Queue a somewhat embarrassing early exit. It was not worth staying longer however; Jack would only have gotten worse.

He had basically gone backwards 18 months – to where he was when he was 4. There was some rough and tumble amongst the kids, and while we were not constantly watching him, there did not seem to be any animosity or the like. A number of kids at different times approach him and said hello, and he chatted to a number of them. If he wasn’t fitting in, or wasn’t comfortable, it certainly wasn’t the fault of the other kids there. He just simply couldn’t cope with the situation.

In a slightly disturbing way Al and I separated and mingled, getting to know a number of the parents of kids in Jack’s room, including a couple who Jack had spoken positively of. (Although I seemed to keep finding parents who knew the birthday girl through childcare, and were not going to the same school!) It seems like we are trying too hard, although I don’t think it looked that way. At least having a few more familiar faces at pick up and drop off will be good.

At best their lasting impression will be of sociable parents, and Jack's sobbing, snot and tear smeared face. At worst, well, lets not think about it.

Posted by Doug at 2:36 PM

 

Jack finished his Milo cricket

Posted by Doug at 6:32 PM

 

Grace, Grandma C & Jack

Posted by Doug at 6:15 PM