I don’t have much to report about Jack’s first introduction to childcare. I had hoped to see their drop off and pick up procedures, but instead spent an hour filling out forms. Al was with Jack most of the time, but he was left for probably 15 odd minutes without either parent. He looked a little concerned at times, but survived.

I think the whole process was harder on Al. Afterwards she indicated that she was worried Jack would get bored, and how obviously he wouldn’t get anywhere near the one on one attention he is used to. She then spent the next day trying to work out how to limit the time he would spend there.

Jack has had a very busy week - Music class on Monday, Mothers Group on Tuesday, Swimming Wednesday, Childcare Thursday, Gymbaroo Friday, and a BBQ on Saturday.

Some days Jack insists on feeding himself. We figure the swallowed ratio drops from 90% to 30%.

Posted by Doug at 10:27 PM

We have had a week of busy normalcy. Jack has been busy growing and developing. My work has been overly busy. Al has been overly busy at home.

Tonight looks like it might be one of the bad ones.

When I went up and checked on Al and Jack before, our son was sprawled half way across the bed sleeping like a log. Al was lying there, arm trapped under Jack (just the way he prefers), eyes wide open. Jack is going into the childcare centre again tomorrow – and this time Al is meant to leave him there alone for an hour. She’s worrying about it.

I am also feeling funny about it, but not with the usual stress and worry I am prone to. It is one of those steps that almost every child in the world has to take. It might take Jack 5 minutes, or 5 days, or 5 months, but he will get used to being apart from his parents. It is in fact frightfully healthy that he does.

Posted by Doug at 11:30 PM

This has been another emotional roller coaster week.

On a positive note, Jack reached his 7-month milestone on Tuesday. I have been reflecting on how far he has come, notably:

- His crawling efforts have slowly advanced so that occasionally he gets a little separate action going with both legs, but he still doesn't have full co-ordination going between arms and legs. He can generally see an item he wants and get to it within a few metres radius.

- He half sits, but is usually so busy reaching forward for items that he doesn't sit upright for more than a brief moment. Gymbaroo class emphasizes that babies should crawl before they sit, otherwise they may not learn to crawl, or will only 'bum shuffle'. As such that is what I have concentrated on. At this point Jack seems to agree.

- He enjoys playing on his toy drum and keyboard in a sitting position (and holding these objects helps him balance himself with a little extra support from mum).

- He is having 3 solids a day, and is insistent on regularly feeding himself. This of course creates quite a mess with food all over his face, up his nose, over his hands - and sometimes his legs and feet also get involved. As a consequence there are numerous bib and outfit changes per day, and less food is consumed. However he enjoys the process of sucking on both ends of the spoon, and occasionally waving it about with food flying everywhere, all the while giving big cheeky grins.

- The introduction to solids has been slower than anticipated. He has come down with various illnesses and vomited a lot more since starting, so I have had take my time before introducing each new food. So far he is still just having rice cereal for breakfast and 2 vegetable meals a day. This has only extended to pumpkin - favourite, sweet potato, zucchini, and parsnip mixed with pumpkin. All going well, hopefully the month ahead will see more variety introduced.

Yesterday at swimming Jack was apprehensive for the first few minutes in the water, but then again relaxed into it. He particularly enjoys moving up and down the pool in the circle floaty, on his tummy kicking forward, then on his back while sucking on a bath toy. This week they introduced the babies to crawling across a floating mat. The instructor takes the baby back a couple metres from the mat, whooshes them up onto it, then they are encouraged to crawl towards their mum waiting at the other end. All the other mums cheer along the sides. This was too much for Jack. He started getting upset the minute he was in the instructor’s hands. He froze with a scared look on his face once on the mat, and quickly got upset.

When they moved him up closer to me he got the idea a little and started desperately moving towards me, but was still crying. He was the only baby to react like this. Not sure whether it is due to him being the youngest and not yet fully crawling, or if it was that combined with his usual separation anxiety.

I held him for a few minutes before the next activity, which involved a different instructor moving him in water through a tunnel with me waiting at the other end. He hadn't really recovered from the previous upset, so this also had him in tears. Makes me feel bad when he is put in situations that end up being too scary for him. Will have to wait and see if he copes better as each week goes on. He was tired before the lesson started, so that would not have helped.

Today was the day I have been dreading for the past 7 months - the first time I leave him at childcare for a short period. Since last week's brief introduction (where I left the room for a little while but not the centre), I have been experiencing my own version of 'separation anxiety'. I have been working out ways to minimise the time Jack will spend at childcare, and slow the introduction of extra days there. I just love spending all my time with him, and I want to maximise that. The other side of my reaction was seeing him there with carers whose attention was divided between a number of babies, and worried that he would either get bored, or upset, or not have his needs met.

In the past I have listened to friends go through putting their child into care, and how difficult they found it. Before I had Jack, I could not fully empathise with what they were going through. It really is something that you can’t fully understand until you go through it yourself. Doug has been trying to reassure me that everything would be ok and I appreciated his words of support. I also spoke to a close friend on the phone last night who has been through this, which was helpful. She subsequently sent me a supportive email overnight that I appreciated. Last of all I heard news yesterday of a teenager facing major surgery, which reminded me that in comparison, starting Jack in childcare is minor. After my anxiety leading up to today, I woke up determined to try to handle it as positively as I could. (For all of our sakes.)

I stayed in the room with him for about 15 minutes. He did his usual staring around for a while before getting comfortable and starting to play. There was a different carer in the room this week, and she seemed a lot more interested in him and friendly to me, which helped make me feel better. (Last weeks carer seemed more like someone “just doing a job”, although maybe I just saw her at a bad moment.) I gave him what I hoped was a cheerful 'bye bye', and then went into the other room to fill in more paperwork for about 10 minutes. I glanced into the room before leaving (hoping he wouldn't see me doing so) and felt better to see him on his tummy looking interestedly at a 5-month old baby.

Although feeling worried about how he was coping, I tried to make productive use of the short amount of free time available. I felt the best way to do this was “retail therapy”. I raced off to the local shopping centre, knowing I had to be back within 30 minutes. I managed to splurge on items for Jack and myself, buy Doug a valentine present, and purchase something for my lunch. It is amazing how much I can fit into a short space of time now that I a mum. Spending money on Jack also helped with some of the 'guilt' I was feeling - whether it is the right time and the right thing overall. Anyway, all that kept my mind occupied and with having to keep a close eye on the time, I didn't have too much time to worry about Jack.

When I walked back into the room Jack was looking very sad and worried, with a tear-streaked face. I rarely see him like that, and almost didn't recognise him. He looked so mournful. He was strapped into a pram clutching the two comfort items I had left with him (his soft rabbit, and a pyjama top of mine that he likes stroking as he goes to sleep). I quickly scooped him up for a big hug. The carer told me he was fine until about 10 minutes before I got back, when he started looking around for me then got upset. I realised that I had in my scatterbrained state accidentally taken his dummy with me, which I was horrified by. It was the main comforting thing that could have helped him.

On the positive side, I felt better that he had played happily until the point he got tired, and also that they had managed to stop him crying (even if he still looked upset). I brought him home and cuddled him on my knee for a while watching one of his videos, before putting him in his portacot. He recovered ok, although seemed a bit out of sorts for the rest of the day. (Although I don't think he was feel 100% in the first place, which would not have helped).

I am at this point feeling relieved we both made it through the day as well as we did. It is going to continue to be hard, but it is good to have this first day out of the way. In some ways the worse is probably yet to come, when he spends a half day, then a full day there, and has to deal with sleeping issues. At least it gave me more confidence in the carers, and some hope that he may learn to enjoy his time there.

Posted by Al at 10:19 PM

We hope that Jack is teething. At least, that would be a nice neat explanation for Jack's behaviour of the last 4 or 5 days. Overly clingy, very quick to cry, unsettled, antsy, extra prone to chewing things, and rubbing his cheeks as often as his eyes. That of course could all mean nothing – and he might simply be going through a stage. If that’s the case, I hope it is a short one!

We took Jack to Healesville Sanctuary on the weekend. It was probably our first ever proper family outing. He seemed to like the larger birds and smaller animals the most – since they were more colourful and moved around a lot.

I enjoyed the chance to try out the Canon Digital SLR. Below is a Rainbow Bee Catcher, taken on the day.

I was disappointed to find my sigma 170-500 lens wouldn’t work with the Camera body. Since it works with the Canon Film SLR I own, I assume the limitation is a deliberate software “feature”. Anyway, in going through all my equipment testing it, I came to realise I had some expensive gear in my collection that I did not actually need. I thought it might be worth selling, but a check on eBay showed the average selling value under 10% of original purchase price.

It is a stark reminder about the underlying real value of items in our consumer driven world.

Posted by Doug at 12:09 AM

Jack’s discomfort continued today. Al said that while trying to change him after swimming he got into his full “Oh you’re killing me” scream, and wouldn’t stop. She had her back to the change room – full of mothers with their babies, but she could feel their eyes on her. I remarked that they were all probably thinking “Oh poor woman, glad it isn’t me.”

He has moments of normality, during which we try to make him laugh while peering intently into his mouth to see if any teeth are showing. We are hanging on the hope it is teething, because we know that stops. We are looking forward to it stopping...

In all seriousness though – we are coping fine. Jack does a great upset / cry / thrash about unhappily act, but he seems to prefer being happy, and tries to be.

Posted by Doug at 10:48 PM

"Please don't censor your tears" – a lyric from an Alanis Morissette song.

At this age Jack doesn’t censor any of his emotions. You see them right on his face – clear as day. His reactions are quick and raw – a laugh, a frown, indignation, crying, contentment. At times he struggles to communicate what he wants from us, but it is clear when you get it, and clear when you haven’t.

If life follows normal form there will be times in the future when he won’t want to communicate with us - when he won’t want his parents to know what he is thinking.

Posted by Doug at 11:42 PM

A month ago Al purchased a packet of little dragon / dinosaur bath toys for Jack. While they were meant to encourage Jack to play in the bath, they had the opposite effect. It turned out their heads were the perfect shape for Jack’s mouth, and their texture was perfect for gumming. As soon as one comes to his hand, Jack transfers it to mouth and starts chewing on it furiously.

They have turned out to be such a great settling tool that they have migrated from the bathroom. Tonight while wandering around I noticed once in Jack’s Childcare backpack, one on a change table, another on the kitchen table, and another (his favourite) on the arm of a couch.

Posted by Doug at 11:11 PM

Has been another week of Jack not feeling quite right, being extra clingy and at times quick to cry. I had suspected teething, as at times he rubs his cheeks furiously and you can feel a tooth at the front that seems very close to the surface. No teeth have eventuated though. I am reluctant at any time to suggest his moods might be 'teething' since it seems the common assumption for any grisly baby from about 4 months onwards. Having said that, it is possible that it is teeth moving around in the gums.

On a happier note, Jack now crawls over to the glass door each morning as I have my shower (so doesn't stay put on his activity mat). It is funny seeing his little face peering up at me. I think he partly comes over to be closer to me, but also partly as he is fascinated watching the water dripping down the shower door. It can be challenging to get out of the shower with him pressed up against the door!

Had an enjoyable time taking Jack to Healesville Sanctuary last Saturday. While he didn't appear to notice some of the larger animals that were sleeping or resting in the shade, he did notice and keenly observe some of the smaller animals and birds that were moving about. This included echidnas, swimming platypus, ducks and geese. He also looked intrigued around at the bushland setting, so a reminder that taking him to places with interesting scenery is worthwhile at this point.

I also managed to duck out briefly to a hen's night that evening. Didn't stay long (with Doug having a splitting headache and Jack's reluctance to go down at night other than sleeping on me) but it was still refreshing to be out in the evening with a group of women and a short space of 'non baby' time.

Jack enjoys his swimming lessons when held by me, but is quick to be upset the few moments the instructors hold him. (Like when I get in and out of the pool, and for one exercise where they put the baby up on a floating mat to crawl towards their mothers). The instructors commented this week it is more the 'separation anxiety' that he cries about, than the activity of being on the floating mat itself, since his face crumples the minute he is passed to them. This week, with not feeling well, he got very upset and started screaming loudly in the change room. It was one of my first times he has done this in public. It made me feel very self-conscious and as if all eyes were on me. As Doug reassured me later that all the other mothers in the room were probably quietly sympathising and feeling glad that it wasn't their baby.

On Thursday Jack lasted all of 5 minutes in the childcare room (with me still there) before starting to cry. I picked him up and read him a couple of books, then moved him away from the other babies to an area with musical instruments. Jack happily started banging on drums and crawling about so after 15 mins left the room. This time while in the other room for about 15 minutes he got upset - so it felt rather strange not rush in there and comfort him, and to then discreetly observe the carer carrying him about and getting him settled. She did manage to do this fairly quickly, with Jack holding onto her hair, and looking out the window as a distraction.

I was glad to see he did settle relatively quickly and to observe that his cries brought prompt attention from the carer. I then left for 40 minutes (at the carer's recommendation for length of time) and once again did a quick shopping spree that simultaneously served to distract my worrying and made productive use of the short space of time. When I got back Jack was strapped into a pram holding one of the books I had read him looking sad, but not tear-streaked or crying.

I gave him a cheery 'hello Jack', only for him to look up and see me, then promptly burst into tears. He stopped crying quickly when I picked him up, but he wouldn't look at me (which he sometimes does to either Doug or I when he isn't entirely happy with us). They said he had got upset 20 minutes after I left, but felt that he had settled a lot quicker this week than the previous week (leaving his dummy certainly would have helped in this regard). They suggested just an hour or so again next week. Can only hope it gets easier for the poor little guy over time. They did indicate some babies adjust relatively quickly, while others will continue to cry every time they are left right up until they are 4 or 5. Can only hope that Jack adjusts sooner rather than later.

Grandma and Grandpa Quinn came to visit yesterday afternoon, laden as usual with many gifts for Jack. Is Jack being spoilt? Perhaps! However it is nice to have other people in his life beside his parents that are happy to shower him with gifts and attention. An extra special present was from Grandpa Quinn. He has taken videos of my family all our lives, so had done some editing of all the years of footage to produce a highlight 3-hour video. I think it will be invaluable for Jack to watch this as he gets older - to see what his mum, aunts and uncles were like as kids and growing up, and his grandparents at younger ages. It will also be special for me to sit back and watch all the footage. There was also an additional video capturing some of the video footage of all the different grandchildren, including some of Jack's first Christmas day, so this will also be wonderful to have as memories. Grandpop and Grandma Carter are also coming down this weekend for a visit. We do appreciate that both sets of grandparents are making regular trips from the country to visit Jack, even with their busy lives and multiple grandchildren.

Posted by Al at 10:42 AM

On Saturday afternoon, if we put him in position, Jack started to sit unassisted.

On Sunday afternoon, Jack worked out how to get himself into a sitting position.

He sits with good balance, is able to turn, look about, reach for and play with items, sit with legs apart or crossed. He stays up for as long as he wants to. When he decides he wants to move he then topples in the direction of the nearest hard toy, striking it with his head.

His crawling has also improved. He is still not at full steam (thankfully), but the frog leaps have moved into a more half coordinated stuttered crawl. I was watching him play today – he half crawled across the mat, pick up a toy, roll over and played, roll over again and grab another toy, crawl a bit more, push himself back into a sitting position, played some more. It was amazing to watch.

Posted by Doug at 11:41 PM

Jack has been pretty happy the last few days – seemingly over his extra antsy period. There is such a big difference in him.

Unfortunately at around the same time he has taken to vomiting a lot more than usual. It doesn’t appear to be worrying him, aside occasionally screwing his face up at the taste. It is of course worrying us. It might just relate to how extra active he is, a stomach bug, something his mum has eaten, something he has eaten, or a new “normal”.

You’d think that baby vomiting would be one of those things that was well understood and documented – but it is rather vaguely covered. We re-read the books, are doing some non-invasive things in response, and keeping an extra eye on him. Basically though – we just have to wait and watch. Oh, and do a lot more clothes washing.

Posted by Doug at 12:12 AM

The whole family has a cold at the moment. It is odd have a sore throat and very runny nose on a 36 degree day.

Having a child brings a new dimension to the perception of sickness, and I’m not just talking about the extra hard work. You start glaring at people around you who are sick. Selfish so and so’s, don’t they know that they might give me the bug, that I give to Al, that Al gives to Jack, that makes life much more difficult?

Of course, with Jack being such a social butterfly, he is just as likely to be the source of the bug.

Al rang the local district health nurse about Jack’s vomiting. The nurse suggested he might be eating too much at each sitting. Al’s made some adjustments and things have improved a bit, but not so much as to say that was the answer.

We gave Jack his first teething rusk today. Wow - kept him quiet for ages. The only issue is that we ended up with flecks of teething rusk all over Jack’s face, hair, hands, clothes, and the rocker he was sitting in. He seemed particularly taken with it though.

Jack’s crawling has improved a little, but he has ignored it a little this week for two new activities - opening doors and climbing. I’ve had extra washing to do this week after Jack learnt how to open the shower door and forcefully climb in with his mum. I know several people suggested Al shower with Jack to save time in the morning, but I don’t think that was the way it was meant to happen. Jack has also taken to crawling over and up objects – including Al. He enjoys clambering over cushion obstacle courses that Al makes up for him.

Last of all - we are seeing signs of Jack understanding a few words. When we say "bath time" a couple times he gets really excited - which is something he doesn't do for any other word. (We chant "bath time, bath time" over and over every time we give him a bath.) We are also starting to see early signs that he is starting to associate "Dada" with me, or at least the event of seeing me. That certainly gives you an indescribable feeling.

Posted by Doug at 12:34 AM

I turned the hot water on at 5am this morning to have a shave. I waited, and waited, and waited. As I waited, I felt my shoulders slump. Damn. No hot water.

I traipsed outside with a torch, opened the not so hot water system, and tried to restart the pilot light. No sound of gas, no spark. My shoulders slumped some more.

Finally I walked into the kitchen and with resignation checked the stovetop. Yep, Gas.

Been through this drill before. I wonder if the builder of the house realised his choice of hot water system would fail every couple of years – a silly little copper thing called a thermo couple lead. $200 later and we had hot water again.

Had a long 12 hour work day, and expect another tomorrow. Left me rather annoyed – I detest doing extra because of someone else’s bad management. No shower, long hours at work, bad management – all the ingredients of a bad mood day.

With a baby in the house however you can’t really have a bad mood day. Well – you have them – but you can’t really immerse yourself in them. Aside the occasional short tired snipe between Al and myself, Jack has never really seen anger. He has never heard yelling and screaming. He has never had to deal with irrational moodiness. Of course, he deals out all of those himself – but he is not actually faced with them. When do you start to teach your child about anger – and how do you? Obviously it is much too early now, but I guess it is important that we do.

Jack was particularly boisterous while we ate dinner tonight, demanding we stop and give him our undivided attention. I turned and shushed him. He frowned a little (he has only been shushed a couple times in his life), and then continued to make his same exclamations at half volume. It was pure coincidence, but Al and I both laughed. Jack handled the situation perfectly without realising it. Defusing the situation while still being able to voice his opinions.

I watched him watching a baby DVD tonight. He was lying there relatively calmly, but was reacting to what was on the screen. Every time a colourful puppet was shown he would get excited and vocalise. At catchy music he would start to wave a toy or his dummy to the beat. At the sight of other babies he would laugh. During long quiet times where normal images were shown he would get fidgety and start to look around. He really seems to have leaped forward in the last couple weeks – in movement and in how he thinks. It is making life a little more difficult for us, but it is also amazing to watch.

Posted by Doug at 12:15 AM

Jack has had major leaps forward in the movement department over the past few weeks.

After awhile of only sitting when leaning right forwards, he was suddenly able to sit up straight by himself. He then quickly learnt to get to a sitting position from a crawl and back again - although after lots of tumbles and quite a few tears.

Within a few days he then started trying to climb up on me or our couches. He gets up on to his knees and reaches with his hands. It has been truly remarkable to see this sudden development spurt. Of course, it means we now constantly have to rearrange the house to make things safer for him. He has also started to open and shut drawers and cupboards, so they are next on the list to kid-proof.

He has quickly gone from crawling to the shower and peering in, to opening and shutting the shower door, to finally crawling into the shower with me.

One negative with all the crawling is that he gets most upset when I try to change his nappy and clothes. He keeps trying to roll over into a crawling position, and cries when I try to turn him back over to change him.

We have loved watching his emerging sense of 'anticipation'. When we walk upstairs chanting 'bath time, bath time' his whole body starts wriggling in excited anticipation, he gets a huge grin on his face, and makes happy, delighted noises. It is a real joy to see. He gets the same grin when I put one of his baby videos on. He now also stops what he is doing when he hears the front door open when his 'daddy' arrives home from work, and gets excited to see him most days. (Unless he is overtired, then only mum is of interest to him.)

He does have some 'negative' anticipation also. Sometimes he associates me walking up the stairs, into the nursery or into our bedroom with going to bed, and if he is not ready for sleep yet he instantly cries to tell me so. (Even when sometimes that wasn't what I was going in there for in first place!)

Last of all I’ve noticed that he remembers what is in each room and what activities he does there. He starts reaching out for things in my arms as soon as we enter rooms (for example a bottle he plays with in downstairs bathroom). As soon as I put him down, he crawls to the same thing of interest (such as the shower door in upstairs bathroom).

Posted by Al at 10:09 AM