The total relaxation day wasn't that relaxing. Spent over 4 hours trying to 'repair' XP by installing the original disks over the top of the current mess. Froze a couple dozen times during the process, and then finally wouldn't move past a particular point no matter what I did. Had to give up and restore the C drive in the end.

What a long day it has been today as well. Up early and out to our first OB visit. The Doctor was an hour late (valid circumstances), so it took a while. Happy enough with the fellow – indicated everything appeared to be going well so far, and we are booked to go back in 4 weeks. Al had the first ‘close’ examination. She figures it is something she will have to get used to quickly, although she might just take the approach of ignoring it instead. She was also reading a rather graphic pregnancy magazine while in the waiting room – which further highlighted how ‘exposed’ she will be. More 'ignoring' and 'not thinking about it' is probably in order.

The OB remarked that people shouldn’t forget that having a baby is a natural process - not a disease. We have been trying to take that approach. He ignored the ultrasound due date and went back to the spinning dial thing based on the first day of Al’s last period. (His was made of metal, so as an OB he obviously needs a much better wearing one than the GP, who’s dial was made of cardboard!) He took off 3 days (due to Al’s 25 day cycle), which put the due date down as the 6th of July. Sigh. The next ultrasound is at week 20, so he might adjust the due date when he is the one doing the scan. (In regards the due date, he indicated most people gave birth plus or minus 7 days, and the only consistency was that few people actually give birth on their due date.)

After that we drove towards the city and checked out the print and frame shop near my work. Rather good prices – so we picked up two more small prints for Al’s study. Then we drove back out into the suburbs and checked out an outdoor furniture shop, and a number of bookstores, but did not spend any money. Finally we picked up some tasty hot chips on the way home, and crashed for a couple hours. Since then it has been a long process of preparing and packing for our 600km trip to the wedding. (Including burning 6 mp3 CD’s – should cover us there and back.) We leave at 6am tomorrow, and will be back on the weekend.

Posted by Doug at 12:04 AM

Back. Covered a bit over 1500km – took in some sightseeing, lots of shopping, a meal at a restaurant, a car accident, a visit to emergency, a wedding, a reception, and a BBQ.

Spent lots of time with several couples. One was trying to start a family; one was 5 months pregnant, and the last had a one year old. We chatted endlessly on baby related topics. We become the sort of people we would poke fun at just a handful of years ago.

We went sightseeing on Friday, which involved 6 adults and 2 children travelling in two cars to a rather dry and dusty national park. It was a 200km round trip – 160km of it on dirt roads. The boys sat in one vehicle talking about cars and hobbies, while the girls followed in the second car talking about, well, whatever girls talk about. It was a good day with good company. With 155 of the 160km of dirt roads covered, the girls car lost control coming off a low bridge, fishtailed a couple times from one side of the road to the other before departing it. It leapt 90% of a drainage ditch (bouncing its way through the last 10%), and then came back onto the road where it stopped.

The boy’s car noticed their tail was missing within a kilometre, and were backtracking within a couple minutes. The lady driver was the one who was 5 months pregnant; the front seat passenger was Al – at 3 months. In the back was the mother of the one year old, and the one year old herself. The car was later driven back to town by one of the guys - it is probably a write off. Ignoring both front wheels pointing outwards at the same time, the roof and middle pillars are creased, front windscreen cracked, and several doors, the bonnet and boot almost stuck closed. It seems to have started to crumple like it was designed to. The baby was oblivious to it all and fine in her capsule, and the three women bruised and badly shaken.

All occupants were taken to casualty for a check up – with Al and the other pregnant woman checked fairly quickly. They looked at the bruising, asked questions and checked their blood pressure, but didn’t call someone in to do an ultrasound. They indicated they could come back on Monday for one, or if they had any bleeding to come back in straightaway and it would be organised. Al feels fine – and only went for a check up due to being pregnant. The driver was worryingly distraught about her passengers, even though we reassured her that everyone was fine, and that no one was blaming her.

I was calm at the time, and have been rational about it since. Quietly though I can feel the touches of dread hovering at the edge of my consciousness - the realisation on just what might have happened. The tyre marks, the transition points from sliding to straight ahead, the fact they didn’t just come to a sudden stop in the ditch – all point to just how close this was to a serious accident. I did not need a lesson on how precious and tenuous life can be. I did not need to be reminded about how much I love my wife, and our life together. I was already very well aware of all these things. I guess there doesn’t have to be a purpose to some of what happens in life.

Al is ok about it. She talked on it during our drive home, and feels she is ok. On the bright side, we were both amused by the fact her bruises disappeared within 24 hours. Normally she bruises badly at the lightest of touches, and it can take weeks to disappear. We can only assume the baby is a healing Oracle, or it is a benefit gained from being pregnant. (The better circulation.)

The events around the wedding were actually rather friendly occasions. The brides family, and her various other friends we had not met before were all very approachable and chatty. We all certainly felt comfortable and able to enjoy ourselves.

Today I learnt one of my sisters is pregnant with her second child. She has been trying for a year, and has in fact put off having treatment for MS, which she was diagnosed with a bit over a year ago. While good news for her and her partner, the family is worried about her own health.

Last of all, heard a fantastic quote today on TV regards grief. A slight variation of it goes like – “the most painful state of being is remembering the future that you can no longer have.” When I think of what upsets me most during grief, that is it.

Posted by Doug at 12:49 AM

 

At the Wedding

Al around 14 or 15 weeks pregnant. Mungo National Park.

Posted by Doug at 12:50 AM

 

Al relaxing and enjoying a cup of tea.

Posted by Doug at 10:20 PM

Back to work tomorrow. Today was the only day of leave available to totally relax. I am slightly depressed that my last two lots of leave have ‘disappeared’ on attending weddings. It gets worse when I realise my next leave will likely be used to attend another wedding in Tasmania.

I don’t mean to attach negativity to what is such an important event in people’s lives. I realise the significance of being invited, and do my best to respond in the correct manner and to say the right things. To be frankly honest though, they make me so extremely uncomfortable. Instead of getting the relaxed recuperation I require at the moment, social events like these leave me drained and exhausted.

I go back to work tomorrow in greater need of a holiday than when I left 10 days ago.

Posted by Doug at 12:04 AM

What happened yesterday – oh that’s right, Al told her work place. She had a great reaction from her boss, and the news soon spread. She is glad she doesn’t have to hide anything now. (So much so that she wore a dress today that highlighted she was pregnant!) While she still feels a little odd, especially at the thought of something going wrong now, she was very happy with everyone’s response.

I told my immediate manager and the HR Manager yesterday – in way of warning about the required leave. (It could take a bit to organise such flexible coverage.) The HR Manager, who I get along well with, was really pleased for us. I also fired off an email to three women I work with. I have a long standing joke going with them about the evils of having children. One of them came in today and loudly congratulated me. That meant I didn’t have to do an announcement of my own.

I have been surprised by how genuinely happy and excited for us our colleagues have been - I guess we forget we have known many of them for years now. (And in Al's case, she works with a lot of older men who seem to take her in under their wings.) It has been a real positive contribution to the pregnancy.

Today we also found out about the parental leave available with both our companies. (Al’s is good - which is why she has stayed so long. Mine doesn’t really have one, but is extremely flexible with taking time off and being able to work from home.) We were also warned that we had to consider booking the unborn child into daycare soon, and into a school within a year of being born. We will ask / phone around about daycare in the next month or two, but it does feel premature and I’m not really comfortable with doing so.

Posted by Doug at 10:27 PM

(Email from Doug.) Just going through my 2004 diary and moving information into the 2005 one. Came across the start and middle of October, which is around when you got pregnant. You might be interested to know that it was when we had the nursery drop by to measure up and quote on our backyard, the 2004 Federal Election was on, the 2004 Bathurst race, I went Fox hunting with Dad, and we saw Amici Forever. We also had the air-conditioning fixed in our bedroom, and went to Hamilton Island - although by that stage you would have already been pregnant.

Posted by Al at 7:26 AM

(Email to Doug.) Think I might have just felt the baby moving for the first time... just had a strange butterfly feeling around where baby should be and was thinking 'what was that', then 'aaahhh'... Exciting milestone!

Posted by Al at 4:24 PM

(Email to Jude.) Think I just felt the baby move for the first time this afternoon - everyone had described it to me as a butterfly type feeling. I started feeling a butterfly feeling and first thought 'what on earth is that', then 'aaah'. So excited, I nearly burst into happy tears on the spot, but of course that won't do in the workplace. Have to keep these pregnancy emotional hormones under control! Have felt it a few times since, so now it's started, it doesn't seem to want to stop. Assume that is normal!?!

Posted by Al at 5:24 PM

Al called me excitedly from an empty meeting room. She had felt a sensation like butterflies very low in her belly several times today. Friends and books suggest this is how you will get the first sensations of movement from the baby. When it first happened and she realised it might have been the baby, she said she almost cried on the spot.

Posted by Doug at 7:35 PM

Just before Christmas we called a guy about replacing the front sprinkler system (the garden has out grown the old one). He said he was busy until after Christmas, and that he would call when he was available. We figured we would have to chase him up, but to our surprise he called yesterday. I left work an hour early (wanted an excuse anyway), and met him to discuss what we were after. He called this morning with a fair quote, and is now booked in for this Thursday to do the job. Why is such professionalism so rare?

Once a fortnight on Fridays I catch up with a number of friends – last night was the first session for the year. Had a good time. Today was meant to be a relaxed day. Started off with purchasing another Hard Drive. I decided if I have to re-install XP I might as well do it to a newer / bigger drive. I partitioned that up and got it ready for when I tackle the task. We then checked out a furniture shop that specialises in Mahogany (the wood we are using for Al’s Study), but were disappointed with the quality.

We then went to an out of the way home improvement store that we haven’t used before to look at some modularised storage furniture we noticed in their catalogue. That resulted in us picking up a 1-door pantry and 3-door floor unit in beech for our laundry. They delivered them a couple hours later, I put them together over the next couple hours, and then moved, sorted, organised and filled them up over the next couple hours. Now every thing is clean and put away, we are very happy with the end result. I’m also dead tired!

This morning Al’s jeans wouldn’t fit. She’s put on three or four kilograms so far – which she believes is probably one too many for 16 weeks pregnant. She is not concerned by that, and isn’t surprised since she has been trying to relax her diet. She has started the process of moving out her ‘skinny’ clothes to the spare bedroom cupboard, and moving in her ‘fat’ clothes. At the moment she is out at a Birthday party for an x work colleague. (Take that back, she just returned early.)

We have had lots of people offer us their baby gear. We have been thrown a bit by the offers, in particular as some of them have come from people who are not close friends. We decided today that we would indicate we plan to do some research and will probably buy the bigger items ourselves (since we hope to have more than one child), but would be interested in the smaller items. We also plan to ask politely how much they want for whatever they are offering.

Posted by Doug at 11:06 PM

Had a busy day. We picked up four new pillows and associated linen for our bed and I purchased 4 new books. Since then I've done several loads of washing, and have been slowly working through the re-install of XP. I used the new hard disk I purchased yesterday. XP is in and service packed and patched. I've installed 12 more applications, and have 60 odd to go. There are another 30 optional ones I have to think about. Going ok at the moment - although I won't really be finished for a week or more. I'm backing up the install with Norton Ghost at various points.

Posted by Doug at 6:14 PM

Oh - and a noticeable difference between 1st to 2nd trimester that wasn't in the books? The toilet paper purchases have dropped dramatically.

Posted by Doug at 7:12 PM

Busy day today at work, and it is only going to get worse. Not looking forward to the next three weeks.

Spent the evening tinkering on the PC. Re-added the hardware I had removed to make the rebuild easier. Installed and patched a number of applications and hardware drivers. Had a couple issues, but these were all resolved by downloading later versions. Counted 47 more software installs to go, with more optional ones I may or may not install. I estimate 30% of these require major tweaking and patching. Going to ‘lose’ one or two I paid for online, but that I either no longer have the original download (lost a hard drive a while ago), or the company appears to have disappeared, and I can’t re-register the application online. Sigh.

Posted by Doug at 12:36 AM

Al was e-mailing me today about a work issue that was annoying her. Software patches had gone through on the weekend, and the person responsible then went on leave. A ‘feature’ in the patches annoyed the end users, who started jumping up and down. While they had been provided with documentation before hand, and were asked to test the changes, they ignored both.

They were trying to force Al to implement a fix, and would not wait until her manager or the person who did the patches was to get back into the office. They then called a meeting with Al and another girl, and then had 6 guys turn up. It was obvious they were trying to railroad the ‘girls’.

I came home from work stewing over it. Al is very non confrontational, and people take advantage of this. Never makes me happy knowing someone is taking advantage of my wife. (And I use the term “my wife” in reference to being the soul mate I love very much, and not my possession. I once had a lady try to tell me off for referring to Al as ‘the wife’. I remarked that she is ‘the’ wife. I certainly don’t have, and don’t want any other wife. Anyway, I digress.)

So she returns tonight in a good mood. She had been annoyed by what the end users were trying to do, and once the introductions were over, butted in and set things straight. As they interrupted, she pointed out the end users own failings and complacency in allowing the situation, and the ridiculousness of all the carry on over what was in the end a very minor thing. In the end they all agreed, backed down, and left with their tails between their legs.

I have to admit – there is a good thing about Al’s easygoing nature and mildness. When she stands up for herself people are so surprised they don’t seem to be able to effectively argue against her.

Posted by Doug at 10:45 PM

Holidays were finished over a week ago. Why am I still finding it next to impossible to get to bed before midnight?

Posted by Doug at 12:22 AM

Slept in this morning - woke (and I use that term loosely) an hour late. The whole day was a struggle from then. Tonight I was out for a meal with a number of people I know via an Internet Forum. For someone who is not comfortable socialising, I seem to do a lot of it. Tonight will be the night I think ... that I fall asleep before midnight.

Posted by Doug at 11:41 PM

The garden guy came around yesterday and upgraded the watering system. He did a good job, and I was happy to hand over the money. That is always a good sign.

The PC rebuild is continuing ever so slowly. Every second piece of software is causing me problems. My own sites blog software was unexpectedly discontinued 12 days ago, its website already gone. (Im thankful for Googles Cache so I had an idea on what happened.) I had to buy two versions of my accounting software after an undocumented feature meant the first version was useless, and also non transferable. (I will look to its competitors next time I need to upgrade.) I cant re-register my Spam filter as the requests time out. Im going to have to buy another upgrade of my graphic software because I no longer have the download files for my previous upgrade (lost in a hard disk crash). It has been a huge effort so far, and Im only half way through the list.

We read the 17-week overview today. Earlier Allisons web crawling found our chosen names were actually extremely popular over the last few years. As odd as it might seem, we were a little disappointed with this discovery. We had come to our male and female names ourselves, so it seemed odd to find out a large number of other people did the same! Searches of the full names showed they were more unique, so we got over it.

Things still seem to be going well.

Posted by Doug at 11:09 PM

A standard busy Saturday. Up a bit after 7, managed to install the majority of the remain apps on my PC (down to 10 definite installs, and about 20 odd maybes to go). Went looking at outdoor furniture again (deck chairs), but not overly impressed with what you get for the price they are asking. Quick shop, and did a couple loads of washing. Cleaned up the front hedges and garden, watered them, the side and the back, followed up on some correspondence, watched a couple documentaries, and spent 5 hours updating the budget. It is now heading towards 11pm, and I'm thinking bed sounds good.

What all that has allowed me to do is feel a little more organised, settled and comfortable. It is the way I get to be relaxed. Yes.. I know that isn't entirely normal.

Posted by Doug at 11:49 PM

The core rebuild is done! I finally finished off installing the required applications this morning. I still have a ton of configuring, tweaking and tuning, plus reviewing the 'maybe' software, but the hard work is over. 'Bout time I say.

More garden work today - filling up dirt behind the front retaining wall that had dropped/settled over time. Continuing with the handyman theme, I also re-sealed half the base of our main shower. There were two areas that were leaking. I didn't do as good a job of that as I would have liked - too cramped and difficult to get into the right positions. Decided to leave the job half done - covering the first and worst leak only, before I made a mess of the whole shower. Have 3 days to wait for the seal to cure before testing. Depending on the results I might tackle the second leak, or clear away the mess and get someone professional in to do the job! The problem with being a bit of a perfectionist about finish.

(Actually, I am not a 100% perfectionist, more a 90% or better perfectionist).

Posted by Doug at 7:36 PM

I'm bushed. (In Australia that is another way of saying beat, tired, exhausted... I had a sudden realisation that it is just the sort of term that could have different meanings (or no meaning) in other countries. Colloquial speech is something I should keep in mind.)

Took some pictures, measurements, wrote a description, and fired off some information tonight to get a quote for a garden gate. I also finally replied to an email from a pregnant couple we got along well with at the wedding. They had indicated they would like to keep in touch more. We seem to be growing our circle of friends who have (or are about to have) children. In the past I was always a touch scornful of seeing that - like these people had suddenly joined a different club. (Not as scornful as single people seem to be of the process though.) I can see now it is far more about gathering information and support. This whole process has so many unknowns, and is simple scary.

Al is now at the lovely position of showing, but if you didn't know the reason, you would assume she was just stacking on weight. I was quietly amused the other day when Al basically said she was looking forward to being fatter. There are not too many times in a woman's life when she will say those words....

Posted by Doug at 11:47 PM

Felt like a productive evening. I played Half Life 2 (purchased via Steam on the weekend), which appears interesting. Might tackle it in 30 minute bursts a day, so I can enjoy the process without my “to do” list getting any longer. (Yes yes, so playing Half Life mightn’t be classified as productive.) I don’t like how the game starts you off without weapons – there is just something uncomfortable about being defenceless in that environment. Nice touches with some of the lead in stuff though. Not really the sort of game I get into, but we will be playing it at the next LAN day, so I need to be familiar with it.

The LAN days are with a mix of friends, x-colleagues, and friends of theirs. We get together a few times a year to eat junk food and kill each other. The player who loses the most on the day gets to keep Bruce – a ghastly shiny white and speckled pony figurine. I’ve never won a day (since I often only play the games on the actual LAN days), but I have also never come last. I’ll work hard to keep our house Bruce free.

I also wrote a dozen emails, some which have been outstanding for a while, chatted to my parents on the phone (my Dad seemed to forget entirely that he had called me last Thursday. Also didn’t believe me when I told him he had), and chatted to another friend online. I feel like I’ve achieved things tonight.

Posted by Doug at 11:36 PM

Forgot to say, had lunch with a friend today. He works across the road, and has made a point of catching up regularly since he and his wife returned from the US. (She just had their second child recently.) While chatting he remarked on a tiling instruction course he had been on. The trick to finishing off the sealing job I was doing was dipping your finger/s into dishwashing liquid, and using them to smooth off the seal.

Dam... where was he on Sunday.

I mentioned it to my Mum tonight on the phone. "Oh yeah, our tilers did that in the kitchen."

Where was she on Sunday.

Posted by Doug at 11:42 PM

Spent a couple hours playing computer games on the Australia Day Holiday, so did manage to do some 'mindless relaxing'. Al was still up after midnight watching the tennis, which by default meant I also didn't get to sleep until well after midnight. Had a fairly standard day, then went out tonight for a meal with some of the guys I attend LAN days with. It was at the usual steak house. I've ordered the same thing for almost 7 years, and come away completely satisfied with the meal every time. (Well, all but one particular day. We don't know what went wrong then, but they haven't slipped up since.) The lack of sleep last night is catching up with me now though, so I'm off to bed very soon. (Just waiting for the air con to cool our bedroom down, forgot to turn it on sooner.)

Al has been feeling a bit average the last few days, headaches and a fluctuating temperature. She came home sick at lunch, and went to see the doctor. As known/expected, she has a sinus infection. He gave her some antibiotics (suitable for pregnant people), and told her to take tomorrow off to help get over it. Not a good idea to have a temperature while pregnant.

I have friends coming over tomorrow night. We have the pregnant couple coming over on Saturday night. We are going to visit other friends on Sunday Lunch. Lots of socialising.

Yesterday Al felt the sensations of the baby moving again on several occasions, and for reasonable lengths of time. The cute and pleased smile on her face as she rubbed her stomach showed just how happy she is - in a way that words could never do justice to.

Posted by Doug at 11:15 PM

The pregnant couple cancelled - both have colds, which they didn't want to pass on to Al. In the end lucky, as we both are running short of energy and sleep at the moment. Did some minor running around, but spent the day in mindless pursuits on my PC, while Al got her haircut, watched the tennis, and read Baby books.

Posted by Doug at 9:42 PM

Under the haze of drugs this evening - the sinus headaches I've been having all weekend got worse all of a sudden while out visiting friends for lunch. Got home, showered, and went to bed. The pain is now gone, but I am still out of sorts. Currently watching the cricket while zoned out in front of the PC.

Posted by Doug at 8:47 PM

I've been surprised on two fronts at how we are handling the pregnancy. I am far less stressed and worried than I thought I would be - although that probably just puts me about where the average Dad to be is! I am in a better position to help and support Al because of it. On the other hand, Al is more worried than I thought she would be. She isn't stressed, but she has mulled and thought over things more than is her habit.

I'll give you an example. Al went to a Preggys exercise class tonight. When she remarked that she was 18 weeks pregnant they all stared at her stomach in surprise and partial disbelief. She really isn't that big, and especially when compared with the small group of women in her class. Without trying to be rude (and being just that), when Al got pregnant she was right in the middle of the healthy weight range for her age and height. Her weight gain over the pregnancy so far is actually a touch more than what is average - but she still looks small as she started off that way.

We have both needed reassurance at various times - some gained by reading books or doing Google searches on the web, but lots given by the key medical visits. We are both looking forward the second OB visit this Wednesday (with the normal worried trepidation).

Our visit yesterday with friends highlighted some of the issues with taking advice onboard. While Al has been reading lots of books, we have generally just been trying to take things week by week. We are doing and learning what we can, but at the same time trying to keep it at a manageable level, and making sure we relax and enjoy the process. We can be thrown a little by people's stories, advice and recommendations. While truly appreciated, it can sometimes cover areas you haven't started to think about, or have already decided upon. Sometimes they are new issues that we haven't thought about, which all can get a little overwhelming.

We almost need to start carrying around a notebook to record the tips, suggestions and ideas so we can digest them later.

Posted by Doug at 10:49 PM