Jack has been running a temperature the last couple days. It seemed to clear this morning and we thought he was over it, but he conked out this afternoon and spent the rest of the day quietly watching TV. Tonight after tea he fell asleep on the couch. Grace thought that was amusing, and was yelling at him, saying “Boo”, and laughing. Jack slept through it all.

We attended the surprise 40th birthday party for one of Al’s step sisters last night, which went well. Possibly as a sign of us all getting older, it finished relatively early.

The kids were baby sat by Jacqueline again, a childcare worker from Jack’s old centre. Soon after her arrival both Jack and Grace were animatedly interacting with her, and barely paused to acknowledge us leaving. We are certainly very comfortable leaving the kids in her care, knowing that they like her, and that she is very experienced. It also helps that she is relatively cheap! (Although having said that, it still cost us $100 for the night.) She remarked again that the kids were a delight to take care of.

I’ve had a very busy three weeks upgrading our home network infrastructure and broadband, which is almost finished now. We have amalgamated our broadband, security and phone into a central hub and onto the one line, changed our ISP and upgraded from ADSL 1 to ADSL2, moved to Gigabit switches, gone to 802.11n wireless with better security, had cables run to the lounge room so that our PVR is on the network, now have the ability to use a 3G modem as a backup if ADSL goes down (very important for working from home), and replaced Al’s downstairs laptop with a new one.

It has taken some effort – for example, just changing the wireless network required the updating of four laptops and two iPhones, most with different hardware and software. Once the final couple steps are completed, I look forward to turning on some of the extra features on our NAS and PVR – such as allowing Al to watch our home videos of the kids on the main TV whenever she feels like it, or setting TV shows to be recorded via the web.

One of the presents Jack got for his birthday was a $20 gift voucher. This afternoon I took him to Toys R Us to spend it. He pointed out a large number of items which I kept having to parrot were too expensive. He seemed to accept that, and after going from one side of the shop to the other, he found half a dozen items within his price range that he wanted. After pondering for a short while, he settled on a Ben 10 Alien and a pair of Bakugan figurines.

He proved to have an eye for a bargain with both items on sale, in total marked down from $45 to $20. He poured over his loot on the drive home, and remarked how fantastic they were.

In the end the process of picking a present for himself was the best gift. It was probably one of the first times he had to really work within the concept of what was affordable and what wasn’t, make a list of options for himself, and then chose some over others. He handled it very well – wasn’t rushed, accepted the limitations, and made an carefully judged decision at the end.

Jack cannot cope with his needs or demands not being met instantly. I assume that is partly our fault, but I am not sure how to "fix it".

Not a particularly stellar day so far. Jack is being pretty demanding and complaining lots, and after a week of sleep issues with Grace, and the ever present work stress, Al is at times on (and over) the edge.

It is reminiscent of the first few months of Grace’s life. While unpleasant to revisit, it is at least a reminder of how far we have all come since then. I will take Jack out this afternoon for a while to give both of them a break.

I’ve had a very busy day of constant work that I have had to focus on. Jack has been interrupting me more than usual with requests. I have to constantly answer no, say that I am busy, and send him on his way. A number of times I have had to shut my door and tell him not to enter, and to stop interrupting me.

Grace is harder work than normal today, so Al can’t run her normal interceptions. Jack is being polite most of the time, but I can tell from the despondent looks and slumped shoulders that a day of being sent away by his Dad is getting to him.

Jack can’t really appreciate the fact I am at home and around, he can only see that I am too busy for him. It is not common, but today is probably one of those few days where it would have been easier being in the office.

Al was lamenting the other day how she is being forced to work on Monday and Tuesday nights to make up hours, because she leaves the office early to pick the kids up from childcare. She remarked that she missed the time when I used to pick up Jack from Childcare, and take care of him until she got home from work after 6pm.

I lamented the fact my own work days regularly stretched late into the evenings, because instead of starting before 7am each morning, I was now usually busy taking care of Jack while Al and Grace sleep in. I offered to pick up the kids if she in turn went back to waking up with Jack at 6:30am each morning, so that I could finish my work day in time.

She declined to give up her sleep ins.

In the 10 days between his birthday and his actual party, Jack was frequently difficult. He was rude, defiant, and often angry any time something did not go to plan, regardless how minor it was. We suspected it was anxiety about his party, since he was counting down the days and remarking frequently on how excited he was. In the end we got rather fed up with his behaviour, and started putting him to bed 5 minutes early for every time he did his “I am very angry’ routine for silly reasons.

On the day of the party Jack was actually pretty good, until we got home afterwards. Then he gave us some of his worst behaviour in weeks. While we understood it was obviously the “let it all out” afterwards period, we were too tired from all our running around to be that accommodating.

Since then his angry levels do seem to have diminished, but he is back to being overly demanding.

I feel sorry for the little boy. He brings the worst of his behaviour out when we are the most tired, most distracted, or most busy. We are just not in a position any more to pander to his complex and plentiful whims and demands, and get impatient with him when he just keeps on and on at us. When his behaviour is naughty, we are also pretty firm on him. There is such a big gap between the attention Jack wants, and what we can give.

Grace is now getting around on her bike and scooter.

Jack had a Kinder Gym birthday party this year. He had attended one last year, and had wanted to do the same ever since. While the activities were organised, the food afterwards was self-catered.

Because Al is mostly tied up with taking care of the kids, the kitchen, or work, the party mostly fell to me to organise. While Al helped where she could, there ending up being a substantial amount of running around and shopping required. I spent most of the party setting up the food, and then cleaning up afterwards. Thankfully the sister in law and a couple parents jumped in to help set up, and more joined afterwards to quickly clean up. With their help and all the preparations, it seemed to go well.

I must admit I felt a lot of anxiety beforehand. In part it was for all the running around and ensuring everything came together ok, and in part as I had to make most of the decisions, so was at fault if it didn’t all work. For the most part however I was worried about it going well for Jack. I would have hated for him to have been embarrassed or put out by the party we threw.

Even at Jack’s age birthday parties are judged and impact on their day to day interactions with other kids. Earlier this year we were attending a party when I overheard a young child remark “Dad, <XXXXX>’s party is very boring.” The parent looked around in embarrassment, and then quietly explained that the child shouldn’t say such things. (Which got a “But it is” retort.)

It is not about pandering to the whims of kids, or keeping up with, or surpassing the Jones. It is just ensuring you don’t make life harder for your kids by embarrassing them in front of their peers! I know this relates to my own birthday party related experiences and phobias from my youth, but regardless it was still my biggest stress about the day.

As it was, it seemed to all go very well. Next year, we will find a place that also caters…

As the kids do their gymnastics lesson...

... afternoon tea is prepared.

Just as an aside – I have noticed Jack just expects a birthday party. Back in my day we did not have a friend’s party every year, and when we did, it usually involved only a couple people. How times have changed.

We had a quiet family birthday for Jack, which went well. We caved in and purchased him some atrocious Ben 10 contraption that was expensive, fiddly, and will very obviously fall apart quickly. Jack had been harping on it for literally more than a year, and was delighted to unwrap it.

Jack seems to have been five for some time. Maybe it is the fact he is wearing size 6 clothing, or maybe his comprehension of the world around him. Anyway, when things are going well for him he seems much older than 5. On the flip side, when things are not going well, he acts far more like a two year old.

It is Jack’s 5th birthday tomorrow. I have been re-reading parts of this blog over the last few days, and have been reminded on just how difficult a kid he has been. In turn, it has also highlighted just how far he has come (in the last 6 months especially). He still throws tantrums, still has his anxieties, and is still over demanding. However – it is not constant now.

He will almost always stay in bed until at least 6:30am. Some days he will deliberately sleep in longer. Once awake he will often just say hello to me on his way to the toilet, but then will play happily in his room by himself for up to an hour.

Most mornings I will put out his clothes for him and then go downstairs. When he is ready he will wander down and I will make him breakfast. This has allowed Grace and Al to often sleep in, and makes a real difference for both of them. Through most of this time Jack is a pleasant and happy little kid.

Throughout the day he will often spend 30+ minutes by himself here and there without complaining. While that is mostly watching TV or playing on Al’s computer, it is still much better than how he previously was, and allows Al to focus on Grace.

While he certainly throws tantrums and gets upset at the drop of a hat, it isn’t as constant as it used to be. (Tonight – over tired from childcare and late on getting food, he had multiple meltdowns. Amusingly during one of these he had slammed a plastic ball down hard on the floor in anger – only to have it bounce immediately back up and clock him on the chin. I managed not to laugh at the time – although find myself chuckling away right now…)

There is still a long way to go, but at least as he turns 5, I can say there has been a great improvement in his behaviour from when he turned 4. Here’s hoping it continues in that direction.

I've added 15 odd photos to the blog covering the last 6 months. They can be found in the archive sections for -

Janurary 

March 

April 

May 

June 

I have also added Blog entries from Al -

9th November, 2009

15th December, 2009

11th January, 2010

12th Janurary, 2010

21st March, 2010

Last weekend was a busy one. On Saturday we all went to a 5 year old birthday party in the Dandenong’s, which was freezing cold and wet. Al then went to Essendon with Grace to catch up with Irene and Damien (down for the day from Canberra), and I took Jack to another 5 year old birthday party in Mt Eliza. Picture 20 girls dressed as fairy’s, with makeup, nails and hair done, tons of glitter, and a handful of boys more interested in playing outside in the cold. On Sunday I took Jack to another 5 year old birthday party.

The continual flood of sickness continues – heading towards 6 months straight now. Grace has missed two of the last three weeks of childcare due to bad colds and ear infections. It seems she just gets over one bug, to immediately pick up the next from Childcare. This has not been helped by some nasty teething and poor nights where she has got inconsolable about how unwell she was feeling. Al has also struggled with numerous colds, stomach and sinus complaints, including for the last four days. We are rather fed up with this cycle.

Al and the kids are trying to have a quiet weekend at home – in preparation for getting Grace back to Childcare, and for Al to be well enough to take Jack to Disney on Ice (some one on one bonding time she planned for two months ago). I’ve been running around spending money and lots of my time on technology, which I have enjoyed. (Setting up a PvR, in part to cover for our DVD/HDD recorder which needs to go in for repairs, getting ready to upgrade our wireless network and change ISPs, updating to Office 2010, and making more use of the NAS. Good quality geek time.)

Grace wearing Jack's hand me downs

So far we have been able to recycle about 20% of Jack's clothes and 100% of his toys for Grace. Every so often while watching Grace we get strong flash backs to Jack at a similar age.

I am not sure I have mentioned it or not, but Jack’s favourite activity – Kindergym, is my least favourite to take him too.

The staff have an obvious bias to the girls in the class – having less patience and less time for the boys. Jack is oblivious to this at the moment, but it is aggravating for me to watch.

I am used to people involved in activities for 1 to 6 year olds always making an extra effort to listen to, encourage and interact with those taking part in their class. Jack’s attempts to interact with the staff can be a bit cringe worthy at times – he might make an observation about something (inane), or discuss some imaginative (and hard to follow) story, or do some (rather pointless) show and tell.

Instead of just giving him 20 seconds and nodding / smiling, one of the women is far more likely to look bored, turn her back on him mid conversation, and walk away. One day he interrupted the two of them while they were talking. Instead of asking him to wait, they pointedly ignored him. When that didn’t stop him chatting, they took a few steps away from him. When he followed, they turned their back and walked to the opposite side of the gym. Another day as he chatted one of the women looked at the other with an obvious “Huh?” look on her face, questioning what he was talking about. The other woman shrugged and gave her a look back which clearly said “bugger if I know”.

When Jack realises how they are actually treating him, his confidence will take a hit.

They have even missed the obvious signs about how Jack is going with the gym aspect of their class. Jack tries hard, but some of the equipment stresses him a bit, his balance and coordination isn’t brilliant, and he doesn’t like to be rushed or do things while the entire class is watching. Instead of picking up on the fact he tries hard, I have seen one woman man handle Jack through apparatus or snap at him to hurry up when he has hesitated too long.

The class also has quite a lot of activities that involve chasing or going through obstacles while the staff pretend to be bears etc. Mostly the kids love the thrill, but that sort of thing horrifies Jack, and you can clearly see the terror on his face. The staff however haven’t picked up on his obvious reactions.

At the end of it Jack comes up beaming and saying he had a great time, and pointedly remarks on wanting to keep going back. I generally end up using the iPhone to read the paper or play games, so that I can ignore what is going on.

Earlier Grace was chatting to me, gave me a big grin, then ran to give me a hug and get tickled. Jack was watching this interaction and remarked to me -

“Grace loves you very much Dad.”

“I know Jack. She loves her mum and her big brother too.”

“But she loves you the most.”

“Not exactly Jack – she loves us all. She loves tickles from Dad, she loves cuddles with Mum, and she loves to watch and follow you.”

“So she loves Mum the most then.”

“It is not a competition Jack – she loves us all very much.”

Al sent Jack to the naughty corner for yelling, then followed Grace to another part of the house. 30 minutes later I found Jack still in the corner. I asked him why he was there, but he said he couldn't remember. Al was horrified she had forgotten, amused by the mistake, and amazed he had quietly stayed there that long.

I was rolling a ball to Grace just before, which she would retrieve and throw back to me. Mid game Mum came along, so Grace involved her. Then Grace headed off with the ball and very obviously tried to get Jack to join in too. Jack - still unwell, ignored her attempts. An understandable but unfortunate outcome. It was the first time we have seen Grace make such a pointed effort to initiate play with Jack.

And again... if this keeps up we are going to run out of blankets, sheets and towels rather quickly.

Jack has now thrown up - taking out all his bedding and making us feel worse for not giving him sympathy at diner time. Here's hoping he sleeps better now.